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Refueling First Responder Life Force: Dr Maribel Contreras
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You can be the person everyone runs to on their worst day and still feel like you’re falling apart in silence. I sit down with Dr. Maribel, a trauma-informed clinician who works side-by-side with first responders, to talk about what really happens when the job becomes your identity and the calls start piling up in the background of your life.
We get into the realities that don’t make the highlight reel: sleep deprivation, shift work, chronic hypervigilance, relationship strain, drinking and other coping habits, and the fear that being honest will cost you your spot, your gun, or your career. Dr. Maribel explains why her team built Life Force Recovery as a treatment center for first responders with strong peer support, so people can get help before the backpack gets too heavy and retirement turns into a crash.
We also explore practical recovery tools beyond talk therapy, including neurofeedback and hyperbaric oxygen therapy for PTSD and PTSI, plus trauma processing approaches like brainspotting and EMDR-style work. The conversation goes straight at the hard topic too: why suicide has become the number one occupational killer for firefighters, what warning signs get missed, and how real connection, culturally competent care, and hope can interrupt that spiral.
If you’re in the fire service, law enforcement, EMS, dispatch, or you love someone who is, listen through and share it with a friend who’s been carrying too much. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us what helps you come back to yourself.
Thanks for taking the time to listen in. Please leave us 5 stars on Spotify & Apple Podcasts with a review. THANK YOU!
Welcome And The Backstory
SPEAKER_01Dr. Maribel. Maribel. Is that right? Welcome to the podcast. Thank you so much for taking the time to be here. And so everybody knows I screwed up and I didn't tell her this was not virtual. I was like, no, this is in person. So you came all the way from Upland. So I really appreciate that. You still made the time to come out here. So thank you.
SPEAKER_03Thank you. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And you got to meet my family. I know. That was so nice.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, which is pretty cool. You got to see my daughter. She got pretty big.
SPEAKER_03I know. I remember when she was born.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_03It's so funny how we live like our lives through vicariously through social media. Oh, yeah. And we don't know people, but we think we know people and we know parts of their lives. So it's kind of cool. It's like, oh, I know her.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she's uh she's a special girl. She got big, got to see my wife. She's about to pop.
SPEAKER_03I know. Congratulations.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm super excited. Like, I'm really, really excited about that. Have my son who's gonna be here. But um, all things I'm super thankful for and just feel blessed beyond what I deserve because I was a wild animal for quite some time. So um, but tamed. Yeah, I had to I had to grow up uh quite a bit, quite a bit. But um, do you remember when we met actually? I don't, I don't either. I was trying to think back, and I'm like, dude, how did I meet this lady?
SPEAKER_03Uh you know what? I think it was at a church. Was it? I remember um going to a church in Orange County somewhere, and I just remember a bunch of motorcycle lists. Oh and um they were all sitting in the front wearing these jackets.
SPEAKER_01Oh, the motorcycle vests, yes, okay. Yeah, so that's Minifier. I'm a part of that motorcycle.
SPEAKER_03Yes, so Menifier were there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that was actually our first annual first responders in Idaho. Okay, yeah, so we're we did our third one this past year, but that's right, you were there, and I think was it Anthony? Anthony, yeah, such a great guy, yeah, such a such a good dude. But yeah, that's what we meant. I was trying to remember. I'm like, dude, how do I I don't even remember how I got this woman's number, but you're awesome.
SPEAKER_03For for a while I thought you were City Valet, then I was like, no, he's Orange County, no, he's LA County, and I was like, I don't even remember how I met him, and then I remembered that event, and then I remembered seeing you and just meeting you that day and exchanging numbers and like, yeah, we'll meet up, we'll meet up, and then you know, vicariously through social media here and there connecting.
SPEAKER_01Well, what's really great is when you came to my house, I will I am that person who was the last one on the block to put their trash cans away after trash day. My wife told me, I'm thinking, oh my gosh, dude, I don't want to be those people. So I went out there real quick, put one trash can away, and I come around my truck and you're standing there, you're like, hi. That was a good uh intro to seeing you again. I was like, oh my goodness, you're here. That was fast.
SPEAKER_03I was like, damn, I cool my hair today.
SPEAKER_01You look great. No, you're fine. You're fine.
SPEAKER_03I have that effect on people. You know, people really like me, they're like, all right, or they're like, oh shit, she's here. Like trying to hide from me. So I was like, okay, you want to jump in the trash cans? I'll I'll just wait here to till you get out. But it's kind of funny because I am I'm the same way.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, jumping.
SPEAKER_03No, no, the trash cans are still.
SPEAKER_01That was my bad. I'm like, oh my gosh. And of course, you saw me putting them away. I'm thinking this is so embarrassing. I just got scared. She's seeing me put my trash cans away, last person on the blog, but it's all good.
SPEAKER_03I'm still the last person. I have five, my defense, and uh two of them are still out, the three one by one. Why didn't they come in?
SPEAKER_01Five trash cans.
SPEAKER_03I have a lot of trees, so I have three extra for trees and all that. So I see. Okay. I'm the Mexican with gardeners. Uh I once worked with the firefighter, and you know, he he got in trouble and he was like uh went viral for some inappropriate comments about uh Mexicans and uh fire and uh gardeners, and he's like, I'm a firefighter, and and I said, Hey, and he called me for help and I said, Hey, that's pretty messed up what you said. You know, it's my dad right there, you're talking shit about. And then he just like, I'm so sorry. And I said, You know I'm Mexican too. And uh he I just kidding, just kidding. And you know, that moment where you see someone's about to break, yeah, and uh I just had to cut a joke because uh at that moment he was suicidal. Oh my god. And uh I was like, okay, so all the SSI serious stuff, like what happened was really serious. How are you doing? Yeah, and uh he's like, I'm not okay. And you know, social media things spread pretty quickly, whether they're good or not so good, ridiculously fast. And this was like a not so good event, and it just completely like took over his lives on people were outside, and you know, when you're in that position and you know, position of power, we we are, because people call us on their worst day. Yeah, so that's what therapists I feel and the type of therapists I am have in common with first responders. They call you guys your worst day, you guys call us on your worst day, and I'm like, okay, today's his worst day of his life.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, yeah, it's it's so trash cans, gardening, you know.
SPEAKER_03We'll get right into that.
SPEAKER_01Well, well, that's you bring up a good point because I I don't want to speak for most in who are first responders, and as you know, and everyone listening, I've been a firefighter for gosh in the fire service total of 21 years. Oh yeah, it's been a while, but most of us, I'll say me, like I didn't I didn't go see a therapist for probably 17 years, right? And that stuff just stacks all those bad things that you see, and and of course we call you when we're fine, like at our, you know, at the end of our world, about everything's about gonna be a disaster, and like, oh my god, help me, you know. I'm like, oh my god, and I try to encourage a lot of firefighters I work with, like it's it's okay to not be okay. It's better to go early and start doing therapy instead of waiting until it's you know the last thing and you're at your wit's end and you have suicidal ideations and all that. So um you have a um what do you I don't want to call it a clinic? Yeah, is that what it's called? Is it clinic?
SPEAKER_03It's technically a treatment center. Treatment center. So we we are registered as a treatment center, but I look at it more like a wellness center. Okay, and we do a lot of preventative work, so it is life force recovery, and we're in the city of Upland, and it's kind of like in between different places. So I have people that come from like San Clemeni, Long Beach, Whittier, Montebello, Claremont, Rancho. All the way to Upland. All the way to Upland because it's small, it's very that's why I say wellness center, because we try to take care of our people. So it's for by first responders, for first responders. I'm I'm the non-first responder one. Come on, thank you guys for adopting me. Yeah, yeah, and they just kind of joke. They're like, okay, you're you're the main one here. And I'm like, well, they might come for me initially because it's the worst day, but then they stay because of everybody that's there, everybody that's been out in the field, whether they're police, retired captains. Um, we have current firefighters that are there just volunteering their time to firefighters there volunteering. That's excellent. Yeah, most of us are volunteers that are there. Wow. And um, they give their time and the dedication. And most of them have had either like a situation that they're like, hey, like I waited, I waited, I waited, and then something happened. So please go get some type of help. And even though you don't feel like you need it, it's just wellness. Yeah. Right. So it's that unpacking the things before that backpack gets too heavy. Oh, you hit that on the head. Yeah, perfect. And and I think uh I've sat so many times, like during orientation, during cut like the cadets were training, and I've seen it, and you know, they all come in, they're like, I'm I'm young, I can do this. And now they're a little older sometimes. And you come in with baggage and you come in with childhood stuff, you come in because you want to help initially, and then you start saying things, you're like, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then you notice, right, in the call that um you look around, like, okay, everyone else is fine, I'm not fine, but I'm not gonna say I'm not fine.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_03Because then what can happen if you're a police officer, your gun gets taken away, or if you're a firefighter, you get put on leave, or just so you're like, okay, no, I'm good, I'm good, Cap, everything's good. Right. And then till something happens, you're like, you're not good, or worse, you do have a good career, um, you think you're fine, and then you retire, and then it's quiet. Right? That's that's that silence, and then you're like, what do I do now?
SPEAKER_01Well, you bring up a really good point. I I um what's the best way to say this? Because you don't you don't realize that you carry a lot of those calls, right?
Why We Wait Too Long For Help
SPEAKER_01We were kind of taught as we get into being first responders, and I'll just speak from a firefighter's perspective, right? Is honor, courage, commitment, be tough, be hard, be aggressive, fight fire, take care of your your your fellow firefighters, your brothers, your sisters, take care of the community, blah blah blah. And I remember getting to a point in this house, in this room that we're in, that's the studio. I remember being up here because I had a bed up here, and I remember laying in in my bed and I just broke down thinking, like I feel like I'm losing it. And I I help people on a daily basis, a shiftly basis. I can help others rescued, do what we have to do, that I can't even help myself. What in the world's going on? What do I do? You know? And that was a very helpless moment. And I remember reaching out to a few people, and they finally we have at um my fire department called Counseling Team International. And I hit that number and started talking to somebody, and it was really interesting because you just said it. It was a childhood trauma. They started back at my childhood. It wasn't like it wasn't the incident that just finally put me over the edge. It was let's go back to when you were a kid and we're gonna start there. And I'm thinking, what are you talking about? Like, I had a great childhood, like everything's fine, it's all cool. It's like, really? Well, let's let's dig into this. And one thing I did realize is you have to be so completely honest about everything. Don't hide anything, be very open, be raw, and be real. And going through, I didn't realize I'm like, oh my gosh, I do have childhood trauma. There are things that happened in my life that weren't cool, that weren't good in my family or outside of my family. And I didn't realize that was kind of shaping how I was handling situations as an adult in my relationship with my wife, to people that work and how I process things. Uh that was very eye-opening. I I had no idea, no idea. And so, like, I want to say the first few months that I was doing this real intensive therapy, it wasn't even things I've seen at work over 17, 18 years. It was things through childhood, and then going from childhood into being a teenager. And then at 17 years old, my brother dying in a car accident, and he was 10 months older than me. And I remember that being so, of course, life-changing for my family, but it was a huge reality check at 17 years old because I remember feeling that pain and that sorrow and seeing my family go through it. But then we bury them, we have the funeral, life goes on. Everyone, you know, the sun still rises and sets. We still need to, I still need to go to school and pass my test. My dad has to go to work, my mom has to go to work. That was the one thing that was so shocking. You feel all this pain and the sorrow, and and you don't know how to to manage this and figure it out. And it's like, oh, you gotta move forward. Yeah, and I never dealt with it. I didn't realize I was burying that for so long. So starting at the childhood, I it just blew my mind. It really did. And then we went into um, of course, adulthood and my first, you know, years as a in the fire service and things that I dealt with and I had seen, and I didn't realize how much I was burying and how much it was destroying me. Because it's gonna come out somewhere. Yeah, it's a you're eventually gonna we call bleve, right? You're just gonna blow, right? And you think like, gosh, I'm so messed up. It's like, well, you're not a bad person, but it's there's a lot that you just haven't dealt with. And I went down a really, really dark path. Um, that I, you know, I look back to this day and I think, I can't believe I did some of those things. And you you talk to these therapists, it's like, dude, you're just searching for something to feel good. You know, you're you're trying to figure it out. And um, that dark place was super hard, but it was people like you who look after firefighters and first responders, police, and everything that really helped me start to process a lot of things. I mean, I went through a lot of intensive therapy for a long time, and that's why I encourage people to to do it now because it was life-changing for me. It didn't, it wasn't like snap overnight, I'm better. Yeah, it was it was a and it's still a continuing process. Um, but it's even one of those things that they offered it, they offer that counseling team international to not just us but our families. Yeah, so even my sessions. Yeah, my wife started going through and then she started to understand, oh my goodness, that's why he responds a certain way that he does. And then we went through it together, and then I got to see her childhood traumas and why she processes and does things and responds the way she does. It just kind of blew my mind. Yeah, I had no idea, right? I'm just like, dude, I'm this guy who puts water on fire and I get paid to do it. Like, this is crazy. Um, but it it was life-changing, but it was hard because you have to you're finally dealing with yourself. You can't you can't hide it with drugs, you can't hide it with other things that are gonna mask it. It's the real, true, raw person that you are, and that's hard. That's very, very difficult to deal with because now it's like, okay, I need to speak this out into existence. Here's what I've done. Here's the things that I wish I didn't do, here's what I've been through. Like, I need to get this better. And that's why I love, you know, when you sent your uh, I think it was like a was it a flyer? It was like a picture.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. I was like, let me just that I can fly quickly 6 a.m.
SPEAKER_01in the morning. Well, it's cool. It's life force recovery in Upland, California, but right under that it says refuel your your life force, trauma-informed care for those who serve healing, strength, and hope. Refuel your life force. Can you kind of explain that a little bit? Because that that stuck out to me.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. So um I've I've had this like pull for years, and I just didn't know what it was. And and let me backtrack a bit. Um, I I didn't want to be a therapist, right? I was like, oh no, no, I'm just doing it because I want a promotion. I used to work for the City Valley and you know, I needed a master's. And that was like what the counselor said I was good at. And I really fought hard on not being the therapist. And uh my supervisor, Gary, laughs at me because he's like, Okay, well, whenever you're ready, you'll be back. And I'm like, I'm never gonna be ready. And um, God really said, like, yeah, you can waver zigzag all over the place, but you're gonna end up in the same spot. I'll eventually bring you back. So I was very resistant and need a few like knocks in the head, right? And uh, and so when I became a therapist, I was like, okay, um, I don't like the word, right? The rapist therapist. So um, psychologist, psychoanalyst, psycho. And uh, I think that's where like the negative connotation comes into play. And when you look at it though, you look at it, here's a person that is trained to deal with other people's stuff and to really zoom out and get that overview and then kind of pick the pieces and put it together. And that's been a skill of mine. And so fast forward to life force, I worked for City of Alet. And I Well, what were you doing at the City of Valley? I worked for the union and the wellness center, so I was a therapist and um uh fire firefighters.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, UFLAC, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Okay, okay, okay, yeah. So I originally was gonna uh apply for their um their coordinator position, and I was like, oh, I could do this. And uh I remember sitting outside, I was really bored. I I'm good at starting programs, building programs, and um moving them forward. And I sat there and something popped up on Indeed, and I was like, oh, firefighters, what do they need help with? So I called my son-in-law, Garrett, and I was like, hey Garrett, let me read you this position. Do you think do you think I qualify? He's like, Yeah, it sounds like a good position. You like to build programs and help people. And I was like, huh. I was so naive at the same time. I've been in therapy and doing therapy for 15, 20 years, right? That first responders and firefighters needed help. And I was like, Oh, I think they want me to go on the rig and talk to people out in the field. I'm not really sure. And so when I went in and um I got hired as a therapist, I was like, oh shoot, it's for them. And I started seeing it from a different lens. I I think nowadays the um community is finally catching on that firefighters are struggling, that it's not just like help, I fall in, I can't get up, or putting out fires, putting out fires, a lot of EMS calls, a lot of um the shift work do you talk about? Yeah, people don't sleep. How do you cope with that? You haven't slept in seven days. You're hearing the tones constantly in your head. You're waiting, your your sympathetic system is just waiting for that call. When you leave work, you're still on that high, and then you you have 24 hours off, and then you go home, have to do everything you need to do, hurry up, get back. So now you're prepping. So all that I saw it over and over. I was getting about 60 calls a week at least. Um, they put out my cell number. Wow. Yeah. Which is good. That's good. You want people to call you? People needed help. People are like, hey, I'm struggling, uh, I'm fighting all the time, I'm drinking all the time. Uh, it was all confidential. So personally, to my cell phone, I'd be able to help them. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is such a soulless job. It takes your soul. You come in ready to help, but no one prepares you for the daily toll, like you mentioned earlier, at work, but at home. So work you're trained. You train 16, 12 weeks, 24 weeks, however long your training is now, days and six weeks now, because we need to get them in and get them out. Yeah, yeah. We're very stressful. That's another issue. Don't get me started on that one, right? And then you see that, and and I saw some of the men and women that I worked with just struggling with their soul. Yeah. So, from my perspective, was like, if they can just bring their life force, yeah, that like oomph that they once had, yeah. Like, what could they do with their lives?
SPEAKER_01It's almost like that spark they used to have in their eye and got into the career, and you're just like, gosh, we could do anything. We can, you know.
SPEAKER_03That spark you see day one, day three, even when they graduate and they're like so excited. Yeah, and then you're talking to retirees and you're looking at
Life Force Recovery And Preventive Care
SPEAKER_03them and they're like, I have nothing. My wife left me, my kids hate me, I've given all to this job. And next week's my last week. I'm gonna hang up my jacket and now what?
SPEAKER_01You know, I've had this conversation quite a bit with with quite a few fellow firefighters in in this job, does take a lot from you. Yeah. Now they it's it's not a bad career, it's a good career and it provides for a lot. But with that being said, you know, we get forced hired where we can't go home because it's different than most jobs, right? Somebody calls out sick, it's not like that spot's not filled. Somebody needs to stay there and be on that rig, right? To serve our community and help people. And so we're getting stuck at work, not just you know, our regular 48-hour shift. We're there for 72, 96, someone, some are on a 120. Yeah. Just like we had this incident in Orange County with that TASMAT. You get people who are out there for five, six days, been out there ever since it started. And that takes a toll on you. Um it's it worrs in your after time because we're all doing it right when we work. We're exchanging our time for money, right? We want we need the monies because we need to live, we need to pay for food and insurance and all these things, right? But when's enough is enough. Because you also get offered overtime. So, truly, in the first responder career field, you can work as much as you want, which is good because you can build a life, but you're you're losing time. Time that you'll never get back. You're the wear and tear in your body, not just physically but mentally. And I always I say this quite often because I had this epiphany at one point. I'm thinking, what where am I putting my time here? I'm working a lot and I'm at, I'm I'm involved in the my fire department, I'm doing all these things, and but like at the end of the day, and this is not to sound morbid, but when I die, I can't even take any of this with me. Yeah, right? The money, the accolades, the homes, the everything that I have. Now we should always do good with what we're given. I'm not saying just blow your money or be poor, you know, you don't want to be poor, whatever it may be, right? But there's that fine line of working enough, but also being home. Because that time with my daughter, I'll never get back. That time with my wife, I'll never get back. My daughter's only one year old once. She only has her first Christmas once, right? When she starts walking, that'll Happens one time, and there's many things I've missed because I've been stuck at work, whether it's my choice to work overtime or because I got force hired. And for a lot of personnel that I see, this job is their identity, and I have worked so hard to separate myself with that. And some people, good, bad, or indifferent. You know, they look at me like, oh, you're, you know, you're not a real fireman. You're not, you know, if you're not involved, you're not doing this, you're not sold out. It's like, hey man, just because this isn't my identity doesn't mean I'm not sold out. I will come to work, I'll be a team player, I will do my job, and I will know my craft. When I go home, I go home. I want to be home and I want to make sure I'm present for my family because I'll never get that time back. And that's your time is so precious because really we don't even know how much of it we have. That's the one thing you have no idea. I know. Right? And that's again, I'm not trying to sound crazy or morbid, but the reality is we could wake up tomorrow, get in our car, and just like my brother, he's driving down the street, get hit. That's it, it's over. Right? We, you know, we get all these emails all the time for people who've passed away in our fire department. Who, you know, he just retired and two months later retired, or some of them, you know, hey, he was a captain and he retired back in 1990 and this and that. It's like, I don't know who that is. I just delete the email, and that's not to be a jerk, but I'm like, okay, and I tell everyone, you're replaceable. This is a good job, and you want to do well, but when you're gone, that's it. It's over. You know, you're yeah, I mean, now what? Right? And you wrapped your whole life into this identity and this career, and because you put so much of your time into it, now you don't have a family, maybe your kids don't like you or they don't want to spend time with you, whatever it may be. Well, now what? And I see so many of uh retired, you know, or men and women that retire and have they struggle, they have a super, super hard time. And I've worked on that so hard now. But okay, you know, I've started a family a little bit later in life. Okay, I'm 40 years old, barely having my second kid. My daughter's 19 months old. Uh, thank God my wife is younger than me because she's got a lot of energy. Uh, but it really when I'm I remember when my daughter was born, that was legit, Dr. Maribel. That was the first time I felt like an adult. Oh my god, she's unresponsible and oh my god, I gotta keep this kid alive, man. And then it you know, it hit me, you know, when I leaving for work, it got harder to go to work and work the overtime or or you know, be even being there for two days. Like recently now she's really saying dad that. And I I get up early and play with her and do stuff, okay. I gotta go to work, and then she starts crying and hugs me. I'm just like, oh my gosh, dude, I want to stay home. But like how that's I think that's a very big struggle for a lot of people in this career field is because we push or it's been pushed that culture of get this job and serve and be involved, give back, and you know, this is raw, we're the best.
SPEAKER_03Not only that, I mean the overtime is good, right? So you start getting the RV, the boat, the house, the overextend yourself a little bit, right? And I've seen it so many times. I'm like, hey guys, don't do this. And then eventually I'm like, oh, there it goes, you know, get the magnum, and who cares how much gas is. We're just gonna drive this car and get that car and get this, and you know, and and a lot of it though is the fight or flight. So that little high that you get when you get that call. Uh, I was in a ride along Alameda County, and uh I love one of their captains. He always invites me, hey, you're down here, come on. And I'm like, okay, I'm going on the rig. Yeah, and it's fun. And I just see it in their faces when they get that call, the fire call. Yeah, the actual fire call. They're like, Yeah, I mean, like literally pulling over in the street, changing right there. Their heart rates, I'm like, ooh, it's like 180 miles per hour right now. And then the call gets canceled.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there goes the class, right?
SPEAKER_03You're just and then up and then down and then up and then down. And then what happens when you leave work? You're still looking for that up. Yeah, your your body's looking for it. So um, that's where the life force comes in, right? Let's try to maintain you, get you back to your window of tolerance where you're not so high, not so low, but just kind of in that sweet spot. Like, okay, I can see what's happening now. Yeah, I can get back to that. And a lot of times I tell people, think about the I used to. Now, not the I used to party and spend and do all this stuff, because that that's a there's always two roads. There's the healthy road and then the unhealthy road. We we know both of them, right? And we know what's healthy for us, and we're like, okay, this is healthy. And the job is very unhealthy. The rotating schedules, the shift work is very unhealthy. So we have to combat that and work at it when we're off. And if we're in the unhealthy path when we're off, then it's gonna be much harder to get back on it. So once we start recognizing, going, hey, what am I doing? What am I not doing? Hey, do I even have a budget? Do I even know without the overtime? If I were to get hurt, what would happen? Yeah, if I were to quit my job today, would I be okay the next six months? Or else now I'm losing my house, losing my car, losing, I've seen it all, right? I've seen it all. Um, I worked during COVID. And that was eye-opening and seeing the the damage that the job did also to families, yeah, and the separation. And then after like people saying, I can't take this anymore, and then losing their jobs, losing their cars, losing everything, going from being that to working at Starbucks. Right. And so that identity and the loss of that. So I always tell people we can keep you in the field and just bring that little umph back. Let's figure it out. So um life force kind of came to me, and I've had that idea. Uh, it's not me that I didn't get the idea, it just kind of came and like hit me like lightning. Like, this is what you're doing. And I'm like, oh I mean, I've had it in my journal since 2003. I look back and I'm like, okay, God's always been there, God's always had my back. Yeah, it's not me. Sometimes I'm like, okay, I don't know what we're doing here, but let's like do this, God. And I feel like I've been very blessed to be in the right places the right time. Um, my son-in-law, he works for Santa Monica Fire, and he was like, Hey, do it. He's like, do it. And I did it, and I haven't turned back. And you know, I started with um probation and the probation boot camps, and I knew I wanted to do something and help people. And when I went to the fire stations, I was like, this is where I belong. Like, this is what I've been training for. Uh, never mind the fact that I lived with some firefighters in my younger days. That was my training. Yeah, my daughter is like, I remember uh having barbecues and like all this stuff, and and in hindsight, I'm like, oh my gosh, everyone in the house was coping. I worked with victims of crime. So I was a therapist working with Norwalk Station and the sheriffs and working with victims of crime. And I was like, nobody trains me for this. Like, I've seen some horrific things been there, along with PD, along with fire. And so I lived with some fire guys, and uh I was like, that was my training. You know, the Rosarito weekend trips that they did, the barbecues, the bonding, the talking, the laughing. I was like, oh, that's what helped them. We're losing some of that, that commodity in there. So we have to find it somewhere else. And the the dark humor, the talking about things that only you kind of understand, that that needs to stay because that's where you release some of the pressure and finding those healthy outlets. Um, I had someone in my office today, and um he uh he's hopefully getting ready to retire. And he he's like, I used to garden, and uh I finally have time to garden because uh he's taking some time off. He's like, I sat yesterday with my son for two hours and I played catch. It's like the best two hours of my life. That's awesome. Like I didn't realize how much I worked, and and I remember seeing him just like three weeks ago, and I was like, hey, put your phone away. It was just going on and on and on in the emails, and you know, we we talked about it today. It's like, hey, three weeks later, you're in a different place. You're not looking for that phone and like what's happening in the department. I need to know, I need to know. And uh, you know, I speak Spanish, so firefighters are cheese muscles. Yeah, yeah. Telefire, telewire. Oh, yeah. Firefighters like middle school kids. Love you guys, yeah. And this middle school
Overtime Culture And Identity Loss
SPEAKER_03is always good at that. You're still like trying to find your spa. And and college kids, right? You live in a dorm, you hang out together. Um, I see now some of the new firehouses though are being a little more segregated. So I think that's a little more detrimental because you're just on your phone.
SPEAKER_01I was just talking with somebody about that. Um, gosh, it was a can't remember who it was, but he's been oh, he's retired now, and he teaches at the college that that that I teach at. And um, that's something we we talked about this morning. And he said, Yeah, it's just fire service has changed a lot. And I told him, like, hey, I just changed stations. Um I'm on a truck now, I'm at one of the newest stations in uh Orange County, and we got a brand new truck, and it's a beautiful station, state of the art. But yeah, everything's everyone's got their separate rooms, and yeah, I get it, I understand things have changed. We have females in the fire service, and people need privacy and all that, but it's also kind of taken away from the camaraderie. But I think my station does it very well. Uh we train together, we we eat together, and then typically in the evening after we cook dinner, we throw all the dishes in the uh the sink, and then we go out and play cornhole, and it's the engine versus the truck. And whoever loses does the dishes, which is really cool. I I think it's cool because it builds that camaraderie get to know everybody, and it's um there's just been an I'm trying to say that I want to use the right words here, but how how do you how do you get people like myself and other first responders to not leave the job, their identity, and kind of come back to who they truly are, right? And not put everything into their career. Sorry, excuse me. I'm still getting over being sick. I was sick for like three weeks, it was terrible. I don't know what happened, but yeah, I still got this cough. But how do you how do you explain or talk to people when everything is just wrapped up in their career and their identity, and they don't realize like this career that you're in is good, but you don't realize it's starting, it's tearing you down. But yet you're going going back for more, more and more and more. And everything's wrapped up into this, and they're dealing with depression and drinking and addiction and divorces and all these things, and yet they keep going back to work. Well, I need well, of course they have to work, but now we pick it up more overtime, more overtime, more overtime.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's also work feels normal. So in my abnormal life, this is normal. This is the chaos. I'm in control, I know what I'm doing, everything has a place, everything has a number, there's an SOP for everything. When I go home, everything's out of control. When I'm alone, everything's out of control. And so it's before the out of control that we need to just start paying attention to what happens when we leave because everything has a place at work. We don't have places at home. Look at us with our trash cans out, and we're like, oh shoot, crash day was Monday.
SPEAKER_01I love how you tell I love how you came up there like I knew which house was yours.
SPEAKER_03I did. I was like, okay, I didn't even see the flag till afterwards, but I can always spot the house, right? Yeah, because you have to have it controlled.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, everything's well manicured and looks good.
SPEAKER_03You need to stand outside, you go, yep, my house. Yeah. Uh I had a house in my corner, and uh I I knew I was like, that guy's a fire. I just have to figure out which department he works for.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And then I knew it. It was on one day he was outside his door, he was taking Christmas pictures and he had LA City jacket on. I was like, okay, I have to find out whose house that is. Because I've seen that house being remodeled, and I wish I'd taken pictures of it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And uh I was like, that's the house. And um, I love though, he fixed it with his wife. Oh, and so I can just just driving by every day, coming home from work, I'm like, that's healthy. On his days off, he was still fixing the house. Yeah, but his wife and his kids were outside with him. Yeah, and I could see him take that time off, play with his kids, and there's some parks around there, so I walk constantly and I was walking my dogs, and and I'm like, that's healthy. So getting back to your question, just going online, looking at a wellness wheel, and like you said, a reality check. Where am I at? Where do I stand? Sometimes you look at that and you go, Oh shoot, okay, I need to fix my finances. I need to fix. I think when I did mine, I was like, I love to travel. When's the last time you traveled? Seven years ago. And I was like, oh shoot, okay, let me look at my list of where I want to travel. And let me just add that in there. Add those moments, I always tell people. It's called screen of the mind. Take a picture of somewhere you want to go, take a picture of something you want to eat, and just start doing those things. You know, look at a screensaver and right click, and I'm like, oh, I want to go there. One of them was uh in Greece. I was like, I want to go there. I want to stand in that spot and I want to go there. And when I actually went, I was like, oh my gosh, I am here. Like I'm actually here, but not just being there and going, okay, I'm here. Like, what am I seeing? What am I smelling? Can I taste anything? And going through all the senses and going, like, I made it. What's my and that's a big one, right? And there's those small moments all as well. Yeah. Because at work we see things, we hear things, they don't feel good. Yeah, they don't smell good. No, oh my gosh. Oh my goodness. No, I know when I went with Alabama, they're like, Oh, we got a good room today. Yeah, well, Dr. Maribel. And I was like, Oh, we didn't get the hoarding one. And I was like, Well, I mean, we just had to be careful not to step on some needles walking up there, right? Yeah, and just the reality of the people that call. I had an incident last week and I called LA County fire, and I was like, Help, I've fallen, I can't get up. And I was like, Oh, this is why I tell my girls, clean the house because you never know who's gonna come over.
SPEAKER_01You never know.
SPEAKER_03I said, What station are you in? And he's like, 82s. And I said, Oh, shoot, I think I met you guys last time. I was like, Okay, I look, I look okay. I was like, but hey, it was my worst moment, and I was able to call. Yeah, and I was like, Hey you guys, sorry about the call, 5 a.m. in the morning. I was just trying to go to cycling. I apologize because you're you look like you just woke up right now, and you're just about to like you're taking a good nap and you get that one call, right? The elderly call. And I remember when I work for LAFD 101, so I would tell them, so you know, when I'm old and bored, you know what I'm gonna do? Get that little life alert and just push on that so you guys could come over. Because that's like some people in that area, that's all they did. And they're like, I'm cooking. Do you want to eat? They're like, No, I do not want to eat in your house.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's why you push your life up. Oh my gosh, those are things ever made. I really do. Because people roll over and they lay on them, or they're out and about and they hit them. We respond to their house, there's nobody there. It's almost like a car alarm, right? Yeah. When they first came out, oh my gosh, car alarm, someone's robbed. Now you hear them, you're like, uh, you don't even look, right? You think, oh, it's just a car alarm going off. That's it's no big deal.
SPEAKER_03But you know, that that interrupted sleep, and you're like, oh, I was finally like in a good spot. And so part of it is the job, and then you just go, okay, what can I do? Because we are going to get those calls. Yeah. So maybe I do a 30-second meditation. Um, maybe I sit down and I talk about like what was impactful of my day today. Impactful can be anything, could be good, could be not so good. So that those are the moments that kind of stick with you, and you're like, hmm, I don't know why that kind of affected me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And then you look at it and go, Well, I know why. Because when you sit back and look at it, you go, I personalize that. Um, sorry to hear about your brother because being in the fire service, right? How many calls did you get where that came up?
SPEAKER_01Uh many. Yeah. Many calls were uh we go on car accidents and there's people with fatalities, and the first thing I think about is my brother. And you know, I did the wrong thing uh when I was because I think it was only like six months or five months after he died that I turned 18. And I remember uh he was so he was in a car accident in Joshua Tree, so it's San Bardino County and got the accident report, and then you can request the photos in my head, like I want to find some closure in this. And I requested the accident scene photos, which was like the worst thing I probably ever could have done. Yeah. Seeing those photos and seeing him um, because he was ejected, he was in a rollover vehicle accident, his girlfriend was thrown from the vehicle, um, and she was thrown uh free and clear, but my brother was rolled, and uh a witness said he was thrown right into the ground and the vehicle rolled over him. So he was a mess. And then you know, you see all that, and um, I will be honest with you, those those seeing those pictures haunt me at times because I'll go on calls and I think about my brother. I think about you know, it's like dang man, that's um it's very sobering, you know, those things stick with you, and it's really interesting in it again in our career field because you kind of have to learn to carp compartmentalize and shut your emotions down. You have to be the consummate professional, and you have to be there to serve the people. And you know, if we lose control or we get emotional on the scene, the public's gonna lose their mind.
SPEAKER_02Right?
SPEAKER_01So you gotta learn to shut that down. And um, there's been many calls that have bothered me, and I don't say anything about it, but it wears on you over time because the you know, we see violence to its nth degree. You know, we also see um very the best in humanity. We also see people who are before we get there, they go and save people out of a fire pole and out of a car or whatever. And then we I also see that with my fellow firefighters, but then on the opposite side of that, you see a lot of violence, you see a lot of death. I mean, yeah, you see death damn near on a daily basis when we go to work, right? And he I hate to say this, but it gets to a point, at least for me, and this happened a couple weeks ago. I remember I caught myself after. I'm like, gosh, why did I do that? But it was somebody uh who had passed away when we went in and we called him, and the police are there, there's no family around. And I'm like, Okay, yeah, he's dead. Hey, where do you guys want to get dinner? Right. And I remember thinking, like, oh, that was really cold-hearted. I remember hearing one of the police officers goes, officers go, geez. Right? You just you kind of have this like compassion fatigue in a way, where it's just for us, it's normal. Where you probably know this better than I do, but I remember reading this uh study that they did on first responders, and I think the average person maybe sees two to three traumatic deaths in their lifetime, some something violent. It's like one or two, yeah. What maybe one or two if that, right? Yeah, and we see it all the time, all the time. And you know, I I wanted
Getting Back Inside Your Window
SPEAKER_01to ask you about this because I I for me it played a big part, but coming back to my faith during those really, really dark times, I do think my faith played a part in my recovery because I was at my wits' end, I was making terrible decisions, going through a divorce, I deserved it, and I just remember feeling so broken, so brokenhearted, and thinking, man, I did everything our culture, my parents and everyone in the fire service said to do. I was I went to the fire academy, got my EMT, became a paramedic. I'm working this job, I got homes, I've been traveling, I got the truck that I want, I have multiple motorcycles, this, my bank account's growing, I'm working the overtime, and yet I am so completely empty.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, soulless.
SPEAKER_01100%. And I remember thinking, dude, what is the point of all this? Why the hell am I here? What am I doing on this piece of dirt floating through space and time? And I grew up in a very strict Christian home. That 90s Calvary Travel church always tell people it's just like turn or burn, you know. Um, and I walked away from my faith for a long time, yeah, probably about 10 years. And I was like, I'm gonna do it my way. Well, let me tell you something, Dr. Maribel. That shit didn't work out at all. I mean, let's be real, right? It's fun for a moment, but there's a price to pay, right? You you make good choices, you reap the benefit. You make bad choices, you're going to reap the consequences. And I did. And I remember being again, it was it was up here, and I was just like, oh my God, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm I don't want to live. How do I have everything that everyone says is is success, and yet I am absolutely miserable out of my mind? Dabbling in drugs, I never should have been freaking dabbling in. And um I remember that that's when I prayed for the first time in a long time. A long time. It's hard for me not to get emotional, but it was um it was hard because um I just felt so utterly lost. And I remember praying. Praying and I'm like, man, if you're there, if you're real, um, you gotta do something. Please do something because I don't even want to live. I don't know what what to do. I don't know where I'm at, what's going on. But if you truly are the Christ, the one who raised rose from the dead and you died for me and you said you're gonna make a way, I need you to make a way right now. I need something. And I remember that was the first time in a long time that I slept really, really good. Because sleep deprivation is huge. Our sleep cycle is terribly off. I slept good that night and I got up and I remember downloading the app or the Bible app on my phone. I just started reading the verse of the day. And I say this often on here, but uh here I am, just this guy living like a complete piece of shit. Um then I uh I sit here wagering with the God of the universe. I'll give you a month. I'm gonna give you a month. I'm gonna read the verse of the day. And if I don't see change and you don't show up, I'll never come back. That month turned into two months, six months, year. My wife, she was raised Buddhist, she ended up getting baptized and getting saved. She went through her own issues. I did, I gave my life back to the Lord, and it's so hard to explain to people, but something changed. Hope came back. Something, yeah, it was weird. I don't know what it is or how to even explain it. And I will say this my faith is gritty. I still say stupid jokes, I still cuss every once in a while. It is what it is.
SPEAKER_03The Lord Jesus forgives. Yeah, yes, he does. Thank you, Jesus. That's what my pastor says.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but it was that was the first time I I can truly say in my life like Jesus felt real to me because I that's when I felt like this dude saved me. He came in and he made a way. It wasn't easy, it wasn't like snap of the fingers, I give my life to God, and things get better. I still had to put the work in. Yeah, I still needed to change, I still need to stop my bad habits, I still need to go to therapy and do all these things. But it was like over time, it just started chipping away, chipping away and chipping away. And it just like, yeah, I started feeling better. I started having better thoughts. I started stopping doing certain things I shouldn't have been doing. And I had that hope that came back. And it was it was one of those things now for me, like, you know, my faith is real because I've been through the fire. I I've been that I'm the prodigal son who walked away and putting God first to my life and asking to come back in. Like I can see it firsthand. People say miracles, they don't see miracles anymore. I am absolutely a fucking walking miracle. Straight up. There's no there's no reason I should have the things that I have or have my family. Like I was not a good person and I didn't want to live. And there's so many things that I went through and decisions that I made, and I look back and I see it now. I'm like, dude, you were walking with me the entire way. You're just waiting for me. And it's humbling. It truly is humbling because people always say, Oh, how you doing? And I feel it and I say this. I am blessed beyond what I freaking deserve. I don't deserve any of this. Yet he still loves me and he still helps me. And that's why I try to like I want to bring that up and ask you is do you think in all of your because you have a doctorate, correct? I mean you're doctor Maribel.
SPEAKER_03I do clinical psycho. Yeah, very smart woman.
SPEAKER_01It in your in the time that you've worked and everything, because you have a long history of of being in this field and helping us, does faith play a big part in people healing?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. And and when you were talking, uh, Bible verse came to me of greater is he that is in you than he is in the world, right? So the the world is so chaotic, yeah, so unstable, and we are taught to disagree. And if we look at it, we have more similarities. And at the end of the day, we're the soul, and we're made after him. So if I'm made after him and I'm doing these shenanigans, right? Then what does that say? It's like I'm stepping out of line. Let me figure out how to get back in order. And in order in a chaotic world feels sometimes like we're a little reluctant, like, uh, I don't like this, right? Yeah. But after a while, the discipline, you're like, I feel good. Like, I feel really good right now. Okay, what am I doing now? Whether it's I'm working out, I'm doing yoga, I'm meditating, I'm journaling, I'm you know, I'm seeing someone, I'm talking about those things that brought that shame and the pain. And I know you shared about your brother, and that's painful. And it's painful, and you saw pictures and it's real, and it's raw. And out of that rawness and that realness comes your greatest gift. And if we can turn whatever pain we have into our greatest gift, that's what we were meant to be and to go through. Like we're human beings, we're not human doers, but we're taught to do do do, right? Accomplish, do this, do that. And at the end of the day, when you're just being what shows up. And if you don't like what shows up, then start showing up for yourself. And we show up for other people all the time. And I've had those in my career, right? I'm like therapist, 60 hours. I was like, hey, like, I'm burnt out. I'm sure. Right? Oh my gosh, I'm sure. Yeah. Like, oh man, what am I gonna do? And and I talk a lot about like self-care, but self-care is not always the neat, pretty, go get your nails, go get your hair done, and all this. Like, self-care is like, okay, what do I really need to work on? And you know, I I go to groups, I talk to my people, I see people, and I'm like, hey, I need help with this. Hey, I need this guidance, I need this. Um, you know, I've been working on a book. Uh, my editor likes to say two years. I'm like, lady, it's only been a year and five months. It's not ready yet.
SPEAKER_01Is this the one that you sent me? Is it the courage behind the bag? Yeah. That's the one you're working on? Yeah. Okay, so that's not out yet.
SPEAKER_03Not out yet.
SPEAKER_01Okay, because I was gonna bring that up.
SPEAKER_03Like, where can we get that book? It's not out yet. Okay, it will be out. Okay. And uh uh the guy in the front cover is my son-in-law. Oh, okay. And so this actual picture that was taken during COVID 2020, and um, you know, had some gnarly words on the car for first responders, and I had that taken out, and I was like, hey, I want to use your picture in this. And um, that book is very meaningful because it has stories of courage behind the badge, right? And it's people that have shared with me their intimate stories that said, I want the world to know. Um, I have Deputy Gross, and she shares her story where she's like, if I would have known, I wish I would have known, I would have gone help sooner. And now I'm cleaning up the mess. Um, I have um Captain Munoz, who um he said when they called him and said, Hey, there's a treatment center for first responders, he's like, No, you're you're you're crazy. Yeah, crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not gonna places like that. Like, come on, yeah. And uh he's funny because he had said Great Wolf Lodge and he would get drunk there. And he's like, That was my night where um March 12th he got sober, and that's my kid's birthday. So I was like, Oh, March 12th. I was like, I will always remember your day of sobriety. And uh, I didn't know there was a great wolf lodge in Mantica, so I had to correct that in my book.
SPEAKER_02I didn't know that either. I know that's what it grows.
SPEAKER_03Everyone just learned that. I was like, hey, North has North Cal has one too. Wow, I don't know. Yeah, and and so um the book is very special to me. Yeah, um, it also talks a little bit about suicide and kind of like ways to prevent it.
SPEAKER_01It should be talked about. It it seems like that's a very taboo subject for a lot of people, but as you know, that is almost honestly, it's oh, really close to being the number one killer of at least I know firefighters.
SPEAKER_03It is the number one killer for firefighters, yeah. PD, it's like second or third. Um why okay, so it's number one occupational hazard um right now through the IFF.
SPEAKER_01So is there I'm gonna I I have to ask this why is suicide the number one killer of firefighters now?
SPEAKER_03There's various reasons.
SPEAKER_01Um that's like a load of questions, huh?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, one, we don't talk about it. So what are we doing about this occupational hazard? Uh anyone that's been in the workmen's comp system knows that you
Trauma Triggers Sleep And Compassion Fatigue
SPEAKER_03have to go through hoops and prove it's a nightmare and it's debilitating. Um you're like screw it. Uh, if we look at Southern California, we've had um so many deaths this past year. And you can always tell, at least I can tell also the time. I'm like, line of duty death, that was a suicide. That was a suicide. And then I'll get calls like, hey, my buddy, off themselves. Um, I also worked for TCTI. Um, I did, I was on their crisis team and I'd hear and I'm like, okay, suicide. Suicide. And pain and that lack of hope. And that silence. So I've had a few where people were like, it doesn't make sense. They were happy, they were good. And my question was like, did they have back pain? Did they have what were they doing? Right? So what happens when you have surgery? You have back pain, you're carrying all this stuff, the body keeps core. And then you're like, there's nothing left of me. I can't surf anymore, I can't do the things that I did. My family would be better off without me. Which is a lie. But we buy into the lie. And so I call it the S word. Right? Because we don't want to talk about it. Like, oh, it doesn't exist. Oh, nobody wants to talk about it. But it's like it's like number one, number three is uh cancer. So we're like, hey, what are we doing? We can talk about cancer, but we can't talk about suicide. And if there's ways to prevent it, let's look at those ways. And we talked a little bit about earlier what your station does, right? So it does, it comes back to us individually and going, okay, what do I need to do today? How do I build relationships with people? How do I stay in touch and like true authenticity? And if you're not okay, being like, hey, I'm not okay. Because we're not taught that in the fire service. You're not okay.
SPEAKER_01Well, I don't want to be on that call with that guy because that guy's gonna have to save my life or that girl, or you get astigmatism, like everyone looks at you like, well, he's the weird guy who's too emotional.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, oh, he's all emotional all the time, and but they go home and they cry while they're in the shower. Yeah. Right. So just really like having that reality check and saying, like, hey, um, I think people in leadership, like if you're the captain, saying, like, hey, that was hard for me. What was that like for you guys? Sheesh. And then just having those like conversations in the table.
SPEAKER_01The tough conversations, yeah.
SPEAKER_03Conversations, right? We used to have those all the time.
SPEAKER_01Oh, everyone's stuck on their phones all the time. Now looking at soap. Put the phone down. Yeah, put the phone down, let's have a talk. I mean, it's it's sad. Um, but I can I can just say firsthand, I can see how a lot of us go to a dark place. It's very easy. Oh, it is very, very easy. The mind is a very powerful, powerful thing. And you know, the work that you do and other people who are trying to take care of us is so important. Um, because there's a lot of times where everyone looks to us for the answers. Yeah. Right. Even when something happens on my block here, something goes wrong, go to the firefighter's house. Right?
SPEAKER_03There's a couple of flagpoles. Yeah, there's a couple families on the street. I got three around me and the cop down the street.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the families on the street. They always tell their kids, anything goes wrong, go to firefighter Fisher's house. He'll take care of you, you know. And yet, who's here to take care of us? Yeah. How do I talk to you know my my own family? I love them, and and certain friends who who aren't in the fire service. Yeah. But you hang out with them, it's like, what's the worst call you've ever seen? It's like, great.
SPEAKER_03This one right now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you're gonna make me relive this thing right now. But how do you open up to those people? Because they don't understand. Yeah, they have no idea what we go through, and even my own wife at times. There's things I I won't tell her because that she doesn't need to know about that or visualize those things. And you know, who do we talk to?
SPEAKER_03It's that exposure and like really talking about it. Like, what are you okay with? What are you comfortable with? Your partner, at least, like what are you comfortable with? Yeah. Um, and then you know them, so you're like, okay, I can't share that with them. I can share this part. Um, but I've had some wives come in and they're like, I had no idea. This is why he would go up to his room. I had no idea for years. Yeah. And so having those conversations, um, which are tough, that we need to start having. And then as far as like the public, right? Your neighbors and people, um, I think the more we talk about it, the more they hear about firefighters' mental health, mental health wellness, um, parts of it, like having that conversation, like, hey, I know curiosity kind of takes us. However, you know, when we're asking those questions, that can be kind of tough for someone. Yeah. You know, people call us on their worst days and then just kind of ending it there. Um, because a lot of times, like, I'll forget and I'm like, oh, I'm on a call and I'm gonna go to this. And I would go to respond to calls. And I remember one of my therapist friends, I call her normal therapist friend, not not the ones that work with first responders. We're all abnormal. And she's like, Oh my gosh, how horrific. Oh, oh, and I was like, Okay, I'm never referring anyone to you. Yeah, yeah. And I had to stop for a moment. She's like, Is this what you do all day? Oh my gosh, how horrible. I only deal with anxiety. And I was like, Oh, oh, shoot, yeah, that is what I do. I said, I'm so sorry for even talking to you about this. She's a therapist. So it's actually really important. Like, who you go, who do you who do you open up to? Who do you go see? Do you see a culturally competent therapist?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, someone you can trust. I think it's the biggest thing, at least for me, is having connections. Someone I know that um I can trust with the worst part of me. Yeah. And that um I can tell them the things that I've seen, and it's not like, oh my gosh, or crack a dark joke in therapy and they laugh because they get it. Like it's that's for us, it's healing, right?
SPEAKER_03Laughter's medicine. Inappropriate. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, this guy's really lost right now. Um there's one thing on here that I saw on your uh for the clinic where you're at, what you do. Uh so you have neurofeedback, but you have hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Yeah. Can you explain that a little bit?
SPEAKER_03Like what is that? So so a lot of times uh hyperbaric chambers are used for divers and they're used for um burn victims. And uh we use it uh with along with other organizations for PTSD and PTSI. And so we're all inflamed. Uh stress causes inflammation, the work shift schedule causes inflammation. Um, it actually shows in MRIs and it shows scans, your brain scans, inflammation. And so the hyperbaric along with neural feedback helps get rid of that inflammation. Really? Yeah. So we've incorporated that into everything else that we do, and um, it works well. So you strengthen your brain through neural feedback, get to relax a bit and then strengthen it, and then you go into the chamber and helps you get rid of inflammation. So it helps to get your brain and your amygdala back to normal.
SPEAKER_01So that's so how is there science is 10 years behind.
SPEAKER_03So if you look at some Stanford reports and um some doctors that are using it out in OC, um, Bud's Odyssey uses it, um, a lot of different organizations are still just catching on that. And I was like, if I'm gonna do something, we can't talk therapy works, but it's surface level, and that's the mind, body, and soul. So if I'm doing therapy, talk therapy with someone, we're talking about the broken brain. The broken brain, the broken brain, it's like a broken arm, but we're never healing the arm, and it's the bone, it's the structure. So that helps the blood flow, helps the structure. We're all lacking oxygen, and that helps feed it and give the oxygen. So it enhances what we're already doing in therapy.
SPEAKER_01So, how do you determine how long someone needs to be in that hyperparic oxygen therapy?
SPEAKER_03By how you feel afterwards.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay. Is there like a do you start them off like you're gonna go for 20 minutes?
SPEAKER_03It depends. So usually I'll do a clinical assessment, kind of see what they need. Um, I've had some where I'm like, okay, you're gonna do 20 minutes because you're so inflamed, it's gonna hurt. Your ears are gonna pop, you're gonna feel uncomfortable in that moment, and then um, and then you're gonna start to feel better. I had one guy, uh, he's like, My ears, oh, get me out of here. I was like, 20 minutes, buddy, minimum 20 minutes. You're savage. Like 20 minutes, you're locked in there, you can't get out. I love it. Can't put a lock on it, but you know, you can unzip yourself. I've had some people go, I'm claustrophobic. And I'm like, we just sit in it and relax, and then I'm gonna zip you up slowly. And uh, my goal is to get a hard shell and just have people just go in there and sit, but they're about 70,000. So yeah, yeah. Wow. So I I really feel that that helps get rid of inflammation. And um, that guy that was doing 20 minutes, like he's doing an hour now. He's like, Oh, sleeping so good. And people report like, that's the first time I've slept like in months. I just like knock out.
SPEAKER_01I 100% believe it because um I I remember I went to uh a doctor to tell them, like, hey, I'm having I I got injured, and I was probably I think it was only off like five or six months. Let's be really, I could have milked that for a year, but I was like, I need to get back to work. Okay, I need to get back to work because I'm like I'm losing my mind, I want to work out and do my thing. But and I was I told her, I'm like, hey, I've been off work for about two and a half months and I still can't sleep. I'm having a really hard time. I've rolled around all night. Okay, let's do a sleep study. So they sent me this thing, it looks like a little Fitbit that goes in your arm, it has the SPO2 monitor on it, right? This is an app on your phone, and I was actually pretty impressed because it shows how you move, right? How you kind of like your sleeping position, how long you actually went in the RAM when you snore. So it showed that I was sleeping only three hours a night, and an hour and a half of that I was snoring, and then my SPO2 would drop to like 38%. It was terrible. And she's like, Um, you're you're killing yourself. You are not sleeping. This is really bad for you. And so she said, I'm gonna I'm gonna order you a CPAP. I'm like, yo, hold on a minute, dude. CPAP. I'm like, bro, that's an 85-year-old overweight, dude. Like, I don't need a CPAP. She's like, no, Tim, just trust me on this. Yeah, you need to breathe. Yeah, like your body's not healing, you're not getting oxygen in your blood and to your brain. And so insurance covered it. They they got me a CPAP. First couple nights was kind of weird to get used to having the you know this little mask on your face. And of course, like they set they have the settings, they put it on there for you after sleep study. And by night three, uh, it's the best sleep I have ever had. And I woke up not foggy, yeah. I felt good. I was actually sleeping now finally six to seven hours. I should probably get be getting more than that, but even just getting five or six hours, I felt amazing.
Faith Shame And A Way Back
SPEAKER_01And so I'm still I still use a CPAP to this day, and I take it to work. Guys, like, dude, is that CPAP jerks?
SPEAKER_02Yes, I'm like a hundred dollars.
SPEAKER_03Now imagine when you go on a fire call and the oxygen, the toxins, and everything, what that does to your brain. Oh and so there's the physical element and the mental, the social element, right? So when you include them all in, your your amygdala is supposed to be the size of an almond. Most of the firefighters that I know uh probably have the size of a walnut because it's inflamed. And so you're in that sympathetic system constantly. And now there's some that are like, hey, I need to do self-care. I do this, I do that. I'm constantly trying to regulate it, but physically, the toll that it takes, right? So when we're able to use a hyperbaric chamber and try to bring it back down to the size and give you at least one hour of sleep. I've sat I've slept in there for like two hours. Wow. And I was like, oh man, I was sleeping for like an hour and a half in there. I was like, okay, I need to get out. So most of our clients get about 60 minutes. Um, sometimes I'll keep some in for 72. Um, you know, hopefully one day I'll be able to put some studies together and like show how it works. And hopefully one day they'll be at the fire stations in between. But you know, hey, you're gonna be on there for an hour before you go home. I gotta try that. Right? I have some they I gotta try that. They leave the shift and they're like, hey, on my way home, can I stop by? And I'm like, yeah, okay, see you at 7 a.m. Yeah, and get you in there first so you can sleep, and then we'll do neural feedback afterwards and strengthen it.
SPEAKER_01For our far for us, anyone who wants to go and do, you know, you have the trauma therapy, neuro neurofeedback, the hyperbaric chamber appears. If we want to do that with you, does here's a here's a big question. Does our insurance everyone's up? Does your insurance go?
SPEAKER_03We all know you're cheap. Yeah. Oh my god. They're like, oh, and like it'll cost you your copay. Come on. 100%. If there's a need for it, right? We'll we'll figure it out. But usually we do accept insurance. And that's why I did make it a treatment center and not a walnut center. Okay. Uh wellness center would just be sitting there looking pretty because people are like, oh, I don't, I don't need that. I don't need it, right? Because we wait till we're falling apart completely. And then we're like, and usually somebody tells us, hey, you need to go. Yeah. Um, or mandates us to come in. Um, I've known people and they I'm like, hey, if you ever need it, let me know. I don't need it. I don't need it. And then their wife, oh no, they need it, or their buddy, hey, uh, I had three guys and they're all calling on each other. I was like, you guys are hilarious. Why don't you all just come in? Because I'm you're calling me about him, he's calling me about you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And I'm just getting all these calls because that hyperbaric chamber is you have multiple?
SPEAKER_03I have one right now. The goal is to have a few. We have a very small clinic, but it's it's nice. And I have two-year-old feedback machines, and the goals to have two to three hyperbarics, and then as we expand looking at different things.
SPEAKER_01Why they come try some of that? Yeah. Seriously, I really wanted to give that a shot. I think that'd be pretty rad to give to uh to the hyperbaric chair hyperbaric chamber and neural feedback. Now, one, I know we're getting close on time here. We kind of went over, but I this is such a great conversation. What I know this is happening with military, but micro doing microdosing mushrooms. Do you see that as a positive? Can you talk about that? Is that kind of coming now into the realm of therapy and helping?
SPEAKER_03We just actually talked about uh taking there's a Navy SEAL guy that does some um ayahuasca stuff. Oh, and so you know, he's prepared for anything that could go down. Yes, he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So so uh I'm all supportive of that with uh therapy that is supportive in that. If you go and you just do that, you're gonna feel good for a while, but then what? Then you're all you're left all alone. There's a way to do it. There's a way to do that. Um, I love Cambo, haven't tried it myself, but I've heard a lot of good things about it. I've seen a lot of my clients do that. So um, you know, we're open to looking and trying and going, okay, that works, but let me tell you about this. You know, let's look at the pros and the cons of each one and then making sure that your support. So that's why we did a treatment center because we have that support. Everyone that's there is a peer supporter. Um, I'm big on peer support. Uh therapist comes in, but they don't you don't all want to talk to me all the time. You know, sometimes you're like, okay, I need to talk to her. And then sometimes you're like, oh God, I don't want to talk to her. Um, most of the time, people come in, they go, okay, it's not as scary. It's not as scary as I thought. It's not me sitting behind a desk going, okay, tell me about this, tell me about that. Uh, I will, and I have it down here. Um, I will bring out my wand and I have to show you because this scares guys sometimes. Girl, what are you pulling on your purse? No, it's like Mary Poppins' purse here. See, so I cops have a harder time when I pull this out. And I'm like, watch out. And I have to add my crystal just to kind of be cute with this, right? Yeah, yeah. Like fire goes, what is that? What are you gonna do with it? Um, so I I do some brain spotting as well, and that's uh like a EMDR 2.0, and so it kind of clears out whatever stuff. So sometimes you're like, I don't need nothing long term, it's just something or I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Sometimes you don't know, and it's that like, let's figure out what it is, and let's figure out how to get it out so that you can just clear it out and you don't have to live your life carrying it at that level, and that's what we talk about like that window of tolerance. If we can get it back down to that, then you can hold space for it, and you can say, you know what? I am really sad. I'm on that accident, and that's someone's daughter, that's someone's child that's a human there, and I see that, and it also reminds me of this. And I'm sad for myself, for my loss, and I can hold space for it, and then I like read it through and then I let it go. And I go, This is their situation, it's not mine. And so adding that with neurofeedback with hyperbaric, you get to that sweet spot where you're like, okay, I'm not gonna pretend it didn't happen, I'm not gonna fight it, I'm not gonna say, okay, it's not my day, it's not my time, but I'm gonna hold space for it, and I'm gonna like it did hurt. That divorce did hurt, that relationship, it did hurt. The pain that I caused, it did hurt because it's out of my character, it's not who I really, really am. And if I can if I can get back to who I really am, that core authentic self, you'll be okay. Sometimes we're so far off that we never see the light. I I told that guy, I said, look, I can see the light finally. He's like, it's been three years. I'm like, it's only been three years. He's like, no, it's been three years of hell. I said, I know, but it's only been three years. And the bigger magnitude you are young, you get to rebuild your life. So what do you want to do with the rest of your life? Starting today.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you know, it's um that was one thing that was hard for me to to to move past my past and the things I've done, the people I've hurt because I was selfish. Just looking to have a good time and just feel good. Have a good time, right? The shame that I brought on myself, my family, and um, but I think that's one good thing uh about becoming a believer again and truly like I I had to learn that you know, being someone who believes in Jesus, it's not religion. That that's how I finally figured out it's not about the rituals and how much money you give to a church, and yeah, you know, how often do you go to church? Are you involved and all this? It's truly a personal, it's a relationship.
SPEAKER_03And we go back to that word relationship, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah. And that's what I I learned. And once I kind of figured that out, it it really did change a lot for me because um, you know, one thing about was so great about Jesus that I I figured out by just me reading the Bible and going through the gospels. It's Jesus on the earth, it was love, grace, um, redemption, forgiveness. And he he offers it to you endlessly, at least while you're on this earth, while you're alive, right? And that's one thing I was looking for. It's like, dude, what what am I how do I get past these things? How do I get past these this hurt and the things that I've seen and how I lived? And when I finally figured it out, it's like, look, just lay it as feet, leave it there. It's not about who you were, it's about what he did for you. The redemption, the love, and the forgiveness. Now move on and make that new life. Change. And change is hard. I'm gonna tell you right now, that is like that. Was the biggest struggle, right? The bad habits and all that. But with that change, that that's where that hope comes in. But also with that comes going to therapy, taking that step and having the courage to talk about your worst moments, talk about the bad things that you've seen, speaking that into existence. And that's one thing that I learned that helped me so, so much was speaking it into existence, not holding it in anymore. Yeah, getting it out.
SPEAKER_03We're trying to like hold on. Yeah, I'm like, dude, I gotta let it go. Hey, this here it is. Yeah, this is and you know, like people tell me so many things. I'm like, okay, I I it's not the first time I've heard that most of the time now. Right. And you're okay, you're not a bad person.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's a verse that I hold so dear to my heart now, and it's Isaiah 43, 2. When you go through deep waters, I'll be with you. And um, man, I'm trying to get emotional, but it's just it's so true. Um, the world can turn their back on you. You can go through divorce, people can call you names, or you can make mistakes, or whatever it may be. But reading that verse, man, that truly solidified it for me. Like, no matter where you go, who you've been, what you've done, I'm gonna be with you. We're gonna figure this out. You just gotta lay your life down. It's almost like you said it's like I had to lose control, like let go of control and lay it down as feet, be like, okay, I'm not doing this on my terms anymore. I need you to take over, I need you to help me and lead me in the right direction. I'm gonna start taking or making the right decisions and asking for help and doing what I need to do, but I need you to show up. And my goodness, did he ever? Am I perfect? Hell no. I am definitely, definitely not a perfect human being. But it's brought such a passion for fellow first responders and people who are struggling. And I can tell you out just off the top of my head, probably 12 to 14 people, first responders in the past two years that I that because I talk about this now on the podcast and at work, I'm so open about it of what I've gone through, the mistakes that I've made, and how I've come out on top and triumph. And I tell them, you just got to to you need to not have control, you need to say, I need help. And I've gotten them to make the phone call and go into the and I'm telling you, every single one of them said, I should have gone to the therapy sooner. Yeah, it was the best thing that I ever decided to do. And they did brain spotting, they did EMDR and all that, and it's like, oh my gosh, I so I'm not crazy. I'm like, no, bro. We live, we are in a career that is absolutely out of the norm. Yeah, you are abnormal.
SPEAKER_03We all are. Yeah, yeah, and so it's like who runs into a fire, who
Suicide Risk And How To Prevent It
SPEAKER_03does these things, right? We're abnormal, and that's the calling. And the calling usually comes from either some kind of pain or there's a purpose behind that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And so if we can recognize and go, okay, for my job and who I am and what I do, this is just something that I can do. And there's free services. Yeah, it doesn't always have to cost money, or it's also being true and saying, like, hey, I'm suffering from PTSI, it's an injury, right? We call it disorder. It's the that's just a classification, but it's an injury, and I'm going to have that, and it's just something that I do to help myself heal. So I don't get to that moment of suicide. I don't get to that point where my brain is so inflamed that I can't think straight. Yeah. And so if we're able to get those right resources and the right help, then you know, might be us. You know, we can do an assessment, kind of see are you a good fit? And there's been others that have called me and I'm like, hey, we're not a good fit. You need this, you need a substance abuse treatment place. I'll be there. You can call us, you know our team, we're all gonna check in on you. We're not gonna charge you. Yeah. Right. And and we just care, and we want to make sure that there's not another one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like life is life is truly a gift. All to all life is precious, and you said it earlier. Those suicidal ideations or thinking you're not worth it, or you're a terrible person, or you're a piece of crap, or whatever you're telling. It's such an absolute lie.
SPEAKER_03It's a lie, it's a lie.
SPEAKER_01Life is worth living. I would I say this to a few people that have been struggling. Yeah, no matter how bad it gets, any day above the dirt is a damn good day. It's worth being here. It totally is.
SPEAKER_03You're still here, and there's a purpose to that. And like I told you earlier about the story, right? If we can get past that point, you'll figure it out. And the dots will all connect, and you'll know that you're not alone. And there's people there that actually care, that want to help and want to see you on the other side. And I always tell people, like, you know, one guy today was talking about his um like farming business that he wants to do, uh, someone else that did interior decorating. And so we tell people like that's your gift that you have, and you're gonna see it come true and you're gonna see it come out. And we we all have those gifts. And once you see it, um, you know, one captain he goes out and talks to the middle school kids and tells them their stories, and so we never know whatever way it's gonna come out, but when you see it come out, you're like, there it is, and and that, like you said earlier, like life force, there there's that force to your life, so you're worth living and you're worth something and everything.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's um these are tough conversations to have though. So I'm so glad we finally got you on this. I think it's been years, actually.
SPEAKER_02I know since you're on here.
SPEAKER_01Well, we're on our fifth season now, and and I took when my daughter was born, we took a break. That's good. Yeah, I was like, dude, everything else goes to the side.
SPEAKER_03I want to uh it was a season for things, yeah.
SPEAKER_01I want to take this serious of being a dad, like yeah, uh a family and a child is truly a gift. Yeah, it's a heritage and it's a blessing, and I want to be a good father. I want to do the right thing, I don't want to screw this up. I want to be present, I want to be here, I want to really take all this in. And I'll tell you that first year with my daughter and just putting everything I have into my family and being present is just it was one of the most precious times of my entire life. You know, seeing, seeing on my you know, our iPhones, right? Yeah, it it popped up yesterday, year ago today. I'm like, my little girl, she's this little nuggets, right? Just like thinking, oh my gosh, time goes by truly so fast. Uh-huh. You know, so I want to, again, it's it's about being intentional with my time. Yeah. Right. I can always do another podcast, right? I can always work another overtime. I can always go just I skydive and surf and all this other stuff, right? Which is part of part of the adrenaline rush I'm seeking. Yeah. But it's like I can always I have time to do all that whenever I want. The time I have with my daughter, I'll never get back. Yeah, I want to make sure I'm spending time with my family. That's like truly my faith in my family has become the the two most important things to me. Not not my identity and of work or being a firefighter, look at me, you know, uniform, all this stuff. It's truly like I want to be here and be present. And so after that year, we're finally like, all right, let's start the fifth season. That's when we built this whole studio that you're in now. Yeah, it was a lot of work. It was a lot of work, especially running all these cables and trying to figure out this whole system because I do it all my own. So I'm like, dude, I don't, I can't even begin to tell you how much Google and YouTube have helped me out. Oh just Googling everything and figuring out because I'm not some tech guy, I have no idea what I'm doing. Just figure it out.
SPEAKER_03It's kind of like when we got the office, right? And um, I mean, I was like, oh, I have an office, and then someone's like, Oh, sorry, your hyperbaric's too loud. I'm like, oh, okay, so oh, sorry, you're too much electricity. And I'm like, oh gosh, come on. And and I had to think about it, and I'm like, okay, it feels right. And I talked to my partner and I said, It feels right, but what is it? And then I just sat back and I'm like, okay, it's the devil. It's not like God's telling me persevere and keep going. Um, and we got everything approved in November, and uh and and we didn't move until February. Oh, yeah. So we had some uh clients of ours that were like, hey, we're in Lahabra, we're here this week, we're here right now, and they hung in there with us. And uh I remember when we got the keys, and I think that's the post that I made, or it's just an empty building, and we like sat there and like we did this, and um, I knew I knew we were supposed to be in that city. I don't know why, so I haven't figured out why, but I I knew it, and I had told my daughter that day when I picked her up from school, I said, you know, be nice to mom today, the 17-year-olds, you know, so just be nice to me. I said, It's been a really bad day. And um, you know, we just kind of were told today to move our stuff out, and I have people kind of waiting on me. So um just be nice to me. And we uh were driving by and she's like, What's the problem? I said, I don't know which office we're gonna get, and I don't have an office in mind, and I don't know. And she looked to her right and she's like, What about that place? They look like they have a lot of empty buildings. And I my first thought was, Oh, it's too expensive, that looks expensive, but it stuck with me, and then I go, I don't know. And I drove by the leasing office. I drive that street every day to go to the gym, and I finally pulled in one day. We looked online and they were like super expensive ten thousand dollars expensive. What? Yeah, and I was like, I can't afford that. $10,000 right I can't see too many uh clients, right? So uh I'm like, you know what? Let me just stop by and uh stopped by that day, and I talked to a lady, and she goes, Someone moved out yesterday. The corner, I like corners, right? Can see everybody, can watch everything. It's a little trauma hypervigilance, but let's not talk about that right now, right? So I'm like, oh, really? And it was in our price range. She goes, they've been there for 30 years, they just moved out yesterday. 30 years because you're the first one to inquire if you want it put in the application. I was like, can I fill it out right now and pen and paper? And she's like, Yes. So we did that, and I was like, hey, we can afford this. I think we can afford it. I hope we can afford it. I was like, you know what? It's ours. And that was November, right after Thanksgiving. Well, actually, before Thanksgiving. Um, because they got our application. Then the guy went on uh break, he went on vacation on holiday, of course, right? And I was like, Well, no one's working but us. Yeah, and uh December, sorry, I'm still not back. I think it was in the Philippines, so they take like a month or two months off. January, he's like, Oh, it's yours if you want it. So we were thinking we're gonna move in January 15th, and then he's like, Well, at the end of the month, and then finally we're like, Okay. And so we got it February 1st. Wow, and uh, I was like, Okay, that patience paid off and just putting it out there, right? And and that not giving up because you know, there are times I'm just like, forget it, and I'm like, Nope, nope, it's supposed to happen. Yeah, and so when we finally put the name up on the building, I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm so happy for you.
SPEAKER_01That's so bad.
SPEAKER_03Some things had to end, like you know, some of my contracts ended, um, had to leave TCTI, just other commitments. I was like, I don't have time and space. I was working on a book, I'm like, that's on hold, that's on hold, because I can only hold space for so much because I'm still a mom and a grandma. Yeah, and those are important parts of me. And so I was like, okay, okay, God, show me the way. And so far, so good. I love it. Um, I love our clients, they're all good. We have very little, we're small but mighty, and uh, everyone that comes here gets better, and that's the goal. And you know, there's a lot of good people that come in and they come in struggling, and they they leave either still struggling physically sometimes with the back pain, just the wear and tear of not taking care of themselves,
Neurofeedback Hyperbaric And Brainspotting
SPEAKER_03and they're like, I feel better. So the goal is to to leave and feel better, and I feel good. I love going in. I'm like, this is like I get I get paid to do this, like this is awesome. Like, well, it's true.
SPEAKER_01I mean, it seems like that's what you're putting this earth for. I mean, I this is the way I kind of think of it now. It is um I I always I tell my wife this is like I hope when I get to the end of my life, I will have impacted at least one person's life for good to change. My struggles and the failures and the things that I've done, how I've triumphed and kind of rose from the ashes and changed who I was and who I am and done better. And I hope that can be an example to people. I hope that's helped other first responders or somebody inspire at least inspire them to try and change. If it's just one, then that's good enough for me.
SPEAKER_03I think you've done more than that already. Oh, you know, I hope so. We're gonna keep hoping that there's a lot more. I hope so. Right. And and I love getting like, hey, thank yous, because sometimes I'm like, um, did I even help? And a lot of times when they come back and they're like, hey, thank you, I'm like, oh, awesome. Because I love helping first responders because you're out there helping others. Yeah. And so the fact that I'm like, okay, I know the tools, I know this, I've been educated through the captains I work with, through the firefighters I work with, through my EMTs, through my police officers, um, through the line of duty des learning each and every time. I'm like, I'm I'm humbled to be of service and humbled to be allowed to even hear and share some of the stories. Some of them are like, you know, we have confidentiality, and some are like, I don't care. Everybody knows I see you. Everybody knows. Uh, I tell them uh you're a little wacky. Am I really? Do you have to tell them? Like, I'm gonna get my stick out in my crystals. Don't make me get out my essential oils now. Come on now. All right, I got that in my bag.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_03You know, I always say, hey, there's there's a lot of soul, but there's also science behind it. Oh, yeah. And so I'm big on science. I want to see the facts, I want to know. Like, don't bullshit me. I want to know where it's coming from. Yeah, and uh here it is, right? And in the Bible as well. There's a lot of science in the Bible, and there's a lot when you look at it, with mental health. I was raised in Christian household um with my church members, and so I learned the Bible, learned the stories, learned. I can tell you how many times suicide is mentioned in there, the stories of people in there. God chose people with stories that were hurt and struggling to change lives. Right?
SPEAKER_01That is the one thing like of more like me reading the Bible and figuring it out for myself is I love that it doesn't hide the fact that these people were messed up. Yeah, and if you put them in today's standards, you could be telenovela, right?
SPEAKER_03Oh my god. Korean drama.
SPEAKER_01Oh, Korean zombie. Yeah. You're talking like terrible people. You really look at like terrible people. And Lord's like, I mean, it's them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01That's why I love, I tell people just like the Bible doesn't hide that these people were screwed. And God still chose them. Yeah. And they still are like heroes of the faith. And they've done great things.
SPEAKER_03And people are like, Oh, she was born in Hawaiian Gardens. I'm like, I know, dude. I know you're from Norwalk. Okay. You're from the one way. I know one of the guys at LA City Fire, he's like, Oh man, you're from Hoyen Gardens. I'm like, oh man, you're from Norwalk. Yeah. I'm like, okay, what are we going to do here? Throw down? He's like, okay. I'm like, well, you're the one that brought it up. Like, he just asked me. He wanted to know where I was, uh, where I lived, where I grew up. And I was like, why does that mean so much? But he was trying to connect and find a peace. And you know, uh, in the city or Dr. Contreras, and Dr. Contreras, the psychologist, is gonna come here and you your worst fear is like, oh shoot, they're gonna evaluate me and they're gonna say I'm unfit for duty. Yeah, and then when I showed up, he's like, Oh, it's you, Dr. Mirabel. Oh, like, oh, it's you.
SPEAKER_00Like, like, what do you mean by it's just me? Is that what you think of me?
SPEAKER_03I was like, it's okay, because at the end of the day, I try to keep it real in the relationship, and like, okay, let's figure out what we need and how we can get your needs met and get you to that better place, yeah. Whatever that is for you.
SPEAKER_01Well, Dr. Maribel, thank you so much for coming on the we went way over time, but I was like, I'm gonna stop with this. This she's awesome. You are amazing. Thank you. What you're doing is very important. You're truly having an impact, and I have a huge heart for first responders. I'm actually on the board of a nonprofit that is for um female first responders and takes them on the streets who are suffering from PTSD and stuff like that. Um, what you do matters, it really is super important because who's gonna help the ones that saved everybody else, you know? So we do at the end of the podcast, I bring this back now, um, just to kind of light it up and have a little bit of fun. I'm gonna ask you just a couple questions here. You just answer them, I'll answer them with you. We'll make this quick, okay? These are called answer the internet. Nothing inappropriate. I don't do that. Okay. So your first question, okay? Would you rather give up appetizers or desserts for life?
SPEAKER_03Oh, desserts. Really? Yeah, I love cheese.
SPEAKER_02Oh, chips and salsa. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I'm 50-50 on this.
SPEAKER_00I'm really think about it. I love dessert.
SPEAKER_01I love dessert. I think I think I would probably do the same. I give up desserts. The appetite, there's so much you can do with appetizers. There's so many different ones. Yeah, no, I love that. I love that. Okay, do you karaoke? I do. Oh, stop. Okay, this is this is just for you. Okay.
SPEAKER_03So don't make me do that right now.
SPEAKER_01What is your number one song for karaoke?
SPEAKER_03Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01What do you got?
SPEAKER_03Any ranchera Spanish song? Don't make me sing Chalino now. Nieve Zenero from Chalino. Oh my god, I freaking love it.
SPEAKER_01Hey, though, hey, good, good. Mine is uh My Girl.
SPEAKER_03Oh, oh, I love that one.
SPEAKER_01Always sing My Girl. Oh my goodness. I I nail that. I always get a free drink when I sing that one. Okay. Um, okay, so the last one. Let's see here. Let me see here.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_01What? You ready for this? Okay. I already know this for a fact. Yeah, take your phone. Yeah, look at that mug. Take that plug. Let's go podcast. Subscribe. Like, let's go share.
SPEAKER_03Let's go podcast.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Your last question. Here it is. What is the one food you could eat for the rest of your life?
SPEAKER_03Oh, that's easy. Chicken. Chicken? Okay, chicken. It's simple. Keep it simple.
SPEAKER_01Oh, mine is um, mine's actually very simple. It's chicken nuggets.
SPEAKER_03Chicken nuggets?
SPEAKER_01I'll never get tired.
SPEAKER_03Well, see, it's chicken. Chicken nuggets. Yes. You can have them chicken nuggets, baked chicken, fried chicken, any kind of chicken. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01I will eat chicken nuggets all day if I could.
SPEAKER_03That's the one thing I remember from second grade. They're like, what's your favorite food? If you can eat one food, what would you eat? I'm like, chicken. And I'm like, God, how many years later? I'm 48. So it's still chicken. That's the one constant thing in my life.
SPEAKER_01I love it. Well, Dr. Maribel, um, thank you so much for taking the time to come on the podcast. Thank you for scaring me in front of my house while I was trying to get my trash cans in, driving all the way out here, but also again, what you do for um my fellow first responders. It's very important. You're impacting lives. And um keep going. Thank you. Please keep going. You are such a genuine person, and I hope people reach out. And if people do want to reach out, what's the best way for them to um contact you? Social media or website?
SPEAKER_03Find me Dr. Maribel on Instagram, or you can text me on my cell, 909-678-9700. That is my cell. Ghost Call Me. You are brave putting that on here. You can text me. Doesn't mean I will always answer you, right? And uh it is on Do Not Disturb right now. Oh shit. And I I tell people text because a lot of times people are afraid of making that call. Yeah. And so just text me, hey, do you have a minute? And I'm like, Yeah, yeah. Oh, you think my phone would be ringing off the hook, but it's not, it's not all the time.
SPEAKER_01Oh, we are so we are downloaded globally. You're crazy. You are you are insane.
SPEAKER_03I have two cell phones. Oh my god. Okay, you put it out there.
SPEAKER_00Um it's public. Yeah, it is what it is.
SPEAKER_03It's my therapy number, it's public, it's out there. There's no
Building The Center Book Update Closing
SPEAKER_03hiding it. If you want to find me, you know, you know, you can look me up and everything's there.
SPEAKER_01I love it. And then also, uh, you maybe you know or don't know, but your book, when can we look for that?
SPEAKER_03It should be out by September.
SPEAKER_01By September? Yeah, August, September. Let me know. Um uh shoot me a text or whatever, and I will uh I'll put together an ad for you on here and talk about it and put a plug-in for you and we'll we'll put it out there for you too to help you out. And then your son-in-law works for Santa Monica?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, Santa Monica Fire.
SPEAKER_01So he doesn't fight any fire? I'm sorry, girl. I had to do it.
SPEAKER_03I had to do it, dude. My guy, I had to do it. Santa Monica Fire. You know what I'll come together. Just like you guys go, I'm a firefighter. No, that's dope. Or a fireman. We can't say that anymore.
SPEAKER_00Fireman sexist.
SPEAKER_03We can't say that we're I always know when someone calls me and says, I'm a fireman, I'm like, okay, I have to be a little political correct and be five minutes early because the guy's gonna be like, You were late. You were right on time. Super serious.
SPEAKER_01Well, hey, at the end of this podcast, we always do a let's go on the count of three. Are you ready? Yeah, let's do this. Um, by the way, you're coming back. You have no choice. Appreciate you being here. Okay, you ready? Let's go on three. One, two, three. Let's go. Hi, everybody.
