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Anthony Hernandez: Firefighting, Trauma, Healing, and Growth
What truly remains in the heart of a first responder after seeing and experiencing all they have done? Join us as our special guest, Anthony Hernandez, a veteran firefighter who unveils the raw truths of a life dedicated to emergency services. From the front lines of wildland blazes to the intense demands of municipal firefighting, Anthony's career is a mosaic of courage, growth, and the relentless pursuit of balance amidst the smoldering challenges of the job.
The weight of the badge carries more than just responsibility—it bears the heavy toll of mental health, a topic often overshadowed by the the stigma of being weak. Anthony's candid account extends into his transformative journey with Frontline Behavioral Wellness, where his personal experiences with PTSD and alcoholism illuminate the path for aiding veterans and first responders. As we share stories of camaraderie and the fortitude found in peer support, we're reminded that the mission of saving others transcends beyond the emergencies—it's also about safeguarding the minds and hearts of those who serve.
In the echoes of the firetruck's departure, we discover tales of faith, family, and friendships that bind and heal. Anthony and Tim explore the nuanced dance between personal trauma and professional valor, where the strength of relationships and the power of faith carve a refuge from the chaos. Every shared experience, from the serenity of silence to the laughter with a friend, manifests as a beacon of hope, guiding us toward a future where first responders can embrace vulnerability as courageously as they face their jobs.
Thanks for taking the time to listen in. Please leave us 5 stars on Spotify & Apple Podcasts with a review. THANK YOU!
Anthony Hernandez. Welcome to the podcast man.
Speaker 3:Tim, thank you for having me. It's just an honor and a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, dude, it's great to have you here. You came all the way from South Orange County, so thank you so much for driving up here. You're our first podcast back since the event which you were at first responders night of hope, which is great, by the way. Nice watch dog, dude. I mean, yeah, that's what I'm talking about, dude. I just got another one in. Okay, so nice, dude.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the, you know, the wife was like what's going on with the watch and the shoes? And you know you gotta come a little swag, a little style.
Speaker 2:No, it's all good man, yeah, I dig it, dude. Okay, so everybody knows you are also a fellow firefighter, correct? Yes, okay, and we usually don't say kind of who we work for around here, but how?
Speaker 3:long have you been a firefighter. Yeah, no, I get that and I generally don't like to say where I'm at because of my position now as a peer support outside the departments. So they could possibly have some pushback and go like, no, we've always had a peer support and you know, you know this guy's, you know off the charts, which maybe I am.
Speaker 2:So, anyway.
Speaker 3:So what was that?
Speaker 2:again.
Speaker 3:You're good, you're good, how long have you been in the fire service so professionally? 15, and then overall EMS. I did 20. Oh yeah, like paramedic stuff yeah so I was on a private ambulance with well, with a private company, so I did that for a few and then I got picked up with the United States Forest Service as a seasonal wildland.
Speaker 2:Hey, that's where I started, bro. Oh, the green wishing dog, dude, that's the hardest work I've ever done in my entire life.
Speaker 3:Yeah, the khaki button up. Oh my gosh. Yeah, I was down on the well South region and so, yeah, we saw quite a bit down there.
Speaker 2:Right on. Yeah, I started on the Angeles. Okay, all right Up there Oak Flat, little Salamos did some other stuff, so it was a strong base. I mean, I was 18 years old, I know what I was doing. Yeah, I was either that or joined the military.
Speaker 3:Dude, that's exactly. That's exactly what was my route. I actually took the ASFAB for the Marine Corps.
Speaker 2:Oh, it is for the Army because my dad's you know, he's a lifelong Green Bray, so you know we tend to follow in our father's footsteps. So I was thinking, yeah, I'll go that route. But I was doing the Explorer thing as a kid, from 15 to like 18 and he's like, eh, you know, I don't know if you want to do what I did, why don't you try that fire thing for a little bit? So I ended up taking my fire classes and I went through the real Honda Wildland Fire Academy and then I got picked up with the Forest Service and that's kind of how my career started.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 3:Yeah, mine was. Well, the military was given to me by way of, you know, getting in some early trouble. So the buddies, a buddy's father, came up to me and he's like, you know, you need to do something. And so go to, you know, fill out the application. And my mom, who means everything to me, raised by a single mom, was freaking out. And so we had some family in the fire department and so they, they sat me down and they handed it at me, you know, the EMT and what direction to take, and then going into the department and what that could look like, and I was like I don't think I can do that. I just didn't have that confidence enough. Yeah, but I took it, baby step, you know, and so made it.
Speaker 2:That's rad dude. Yeah, okay, so you went from Forest Service and then, when you got hired at Municipal, were you already a paramedic.
Speaker 3:No, Okay, I came in at an earlier stage of the game when we really didn't have a whole lot of paramedics Okay, so I was just starting to pay for and send people to the paramedic program. So I was like yeah dude, I was like I can't, but it's free. So I'm going to. You know, I just didn't have a whole lot of confidence, but after everything, step, like I said, step by step, I started to build some of that and ended up going and yeah, and yeah, I came firefighter medic.
Speaker 2:Dude. Yeah, I did the firefighter medic thing for too long. 13 years was a little bit too long.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, oh, wow, I got way too comfortable. I should have promoted way earlier, oh really. Okay. That's how I tell myself I was so burned out dude. You kind of lose that, I remember. You lose the empathy. You start seeing things that should be shocking and you're like, whatever, I was for dinner.
Speaker 3:So I was like, man, I need to change here. So the 15 I had, I remember sitting at the station we had a rookie and it was around Christmas time and he was like you know, man, I can't wait to catch a fire. And I'm like, dude, shut up, sit back. I do not want to be out in the cold, I do not want somebody's house catching on fire during Christmas. You know, I don't want to be cleaning hose, you know, hanging it, ringing it, whatever, and so, yeah, it kind of starts to wear on you where you're. You really don't want to be, you know, yeah.
Speaker 2:And it's. It's one of those things too, where it's when you're newer it's kind of like, yeah, let's fight fire. But then you start understanding when you wish you had fire. You're wishing for someone to have their worst day and lose all their belongings and maybe die. You know what I'm saying. So you're kind of like, oh damn, like maybe I don't want to fire, you know, because it's such a bummer for those people. That's, that's, that's terrible. They're losing their home, their belongings, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm being that Ricky rescue and we're all sitting in the day room in the recliners, you know, and we're like, every now and then, somebody would, you know, actually have a really good thought and go. There's something wrong with all of us because we're all waiting for the worst to happen. Yeah, but the cool thing is that we're all trained and we're all ready to go when it does.
Speaker 2:That's a good point. That's a good point. Now you're you're a big proponent on mental health, correct?
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:And you have an organization. Oh, you support one.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so I work for one, you work for one. So the parent company is a Sarah health and the first responder in veterans program is frontline behavioral wellness. Excuse me, so frontline behavioral wellness is the veteran and first responder program that I'm really psyched to be working for. In the aspect that one, they put me under the clinical team, which I don't understand. How a firefighter can be under a clinical department like that and have and do some of the things they've allowed me to do hands on peer support. And so when I've gone to peer support trainings, when I've gone to and spoke at those those peer support trainings, whether they be agencies or departments, and at the trainings themselves, now it they don't get a lot of that hands on and they're kind of waiting, you know, in a more reactionary position unfortunately, and I only came by way of that because of me battling things and I mean my checklist is unfortunate but fortunate.
Speaker 3:So you know suicide and alcoholism, PTSD, hyper vigilance, I mean insomnia, you can check that list off. And so when I got a call to go work for a mental wellness facility, I hesitated and didn't know really what I could offer, especially under the clinical end, and I just got to give a shout out to Dr Maribau Contreras, who is actually the one who picked me up and dropped me into the clinical department and got some trainings and was able to do like quite a bit with I call them our guests, with our guests that come in. Okay, Where's this place located? So we're located in Costa Mesa, Orange County region, but we have residences throughout Orange County. Okay, so our center is in Costa Mesa.
Speaker 2:Now, did you feel like you're being pulled, like doing this. Did it feel like you're kind of out of your comfort zone? I'm sure it felt like that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I didn't know what I had to offer. I didn't know, you know, if my story was a same old, same old. I didn't know who would really want to hear a sob story and so really didn't know what impact it could have. But just like I had told my mom, going into the department was, if I can just save one, I can retire.
Speaker 2:Oh, I like that.
Speaker 3:And so when I did leave the department, man, I was battling and again my mom sat with me and she's like you know what, son, there's more than one way you can save a life. And so here I am Go for the mom, I like that. All right, that's good, that's really good. So, you know, she pulled out a lot of gems when I was starting to lose that identity. Yeah, like I said, like the confidence coming up as a kid, I just didn't have it. And then being able to accomplish something like going into the department was really special and leaving it was, you know, just kind of just put my world upside down and I got lost.
Speaker 2:I'm sure everyone tells us getting in the fire service right, we, it's the best job in the world. You know, you get this many days working, this many days off when really it's alive people. Okay, we get forced all the time. We don't work just 10 days a month. Okay, we're in a lot. But, yeah, what other job do you get to start your day with a coffee break, right, hang out with your buddies, do your thing. So I can see how. Even for me, if I were to leave right now, I'd be like whoa, like this is interesting. You know, this is this is all I've kind of prepped for my entire life. But for me things have kind of changed. Because I'm trying to I want to make sure I say this the right way I would say my first five day years I kind of bought into the bravado of the fire service where it's like come to work every day, work as much as you can, get back to the fire department Raw, raw, raw. We're firefighters.
Speaker 3:Which, by the way, I'm going to apologize for being a little late because, as we know, in the fire service and you're talking about the early stages of it, like if you're 15 minutes early you're late.
Speaker 2:So, in any case, yeah, but I think I kind of bought into that. We're in reality now. I kind of after injuries in the politics. The fire service the fire service has changed a lot since I've been on only have 17 years but yeah, it's one of the-. Thank you for your service.
Speaker 2:It's not stopped, dude, they should pay your taxes. But it just you start to realize and I hate to say this, but you know it comes down to money and politics what I've come to see, at least in certain departments, and you know, at least we try to keep that camaraderie station level. But really at the end of the day, when people go off on mental health or injuries or cancer or whatever, you get a thanks for working for us, here's a certificate and a badge and they replace you with so in, cheaper, younger, and they move on it and that wheels keep spinning on those fires and they keep responding to calls and do their thing. And I'll be real, we get emails about guys passing away all the time right, retire guys. I'm just like, okay, I don't know who they are.
Speaker 3:And that's where we kind of fall through the cracks. I was retired and 10 years out, so I didn't have an HR to go to, I didn't have EAP, I definitely did not have peer support. I mean, I didn't even know what that was. And there's some people that still ask me, like what is that? And breaking that down for them. So, yeah, I feel you on that and going in thinking that you know, all right, I'm going to make a difference and we do. But, like you said, getting the certs and then handed, like once there's trouble, you know, and I think that that's a bigger message too to bring across is getting a little bit of relief as your career goes on to sustain to maintain.
Speaker 3:And so it's not bad that you're taking that time you need and we all say self care and I say be sure that it's self care, not selfish care, and so making sure that we're not out there, and you know I deserve this and you know this is something that I earned and you know, just being mindful of how we go about caring for ourselves.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 3:Gosh the self-care Come on dude, that deserves a bell.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm thinking where this conversation is going. Well, self-care is important, right? Because, gosh, we can get called to work overtime or take all these classes we're trying to promote, trying to be involved and all that stuff. But if you don't watch it, your job will take over most of your time and then you don't realize you're suffering, but now your family's suffering. This is why the huge fight for better contracts, more money, because what you're trying to do is get paid more, work less, because what we're fighting for is time, which people don't understand. You're trying to make more money by working less, with better contracts, so you can be home more and not have to pick up extra shifts which, in turn, you're giving of your time so you can make that money which something's going to suffer there, right? The more you work, your family's going to suffer, the less you work, you might not have as much money, but now you're home and you're present, you can relax, you can diffuse, right.
Speaker 2:So it's trying to find that even balance of your work, your private life, but also self, and that's something I have worked on very much, so, I would say, in the last two years and trying to figure out and realizing, like for me. I mean, you're at the event, you heard me speak, but I came to this realization and, coming back to my faith, like I'm going to do well with what I've been given and what I've worked hard for, but I'm not going to make it my God. I'm not going to sit there and try to make all this money and buy toys and do all this stuff because I can't even take it with me when I die. None of this has come with us, not our bank accounts, our certifications at work, whether you're a captain, firefighter, engineer or chief, whatever, when you die it doesn't matter, none of it. And so it was like dude, it was just like there's a epiphany. I was like what am I doing with my time? Where am I putting my time.
Speaker 3:I mean, I just was like so well, I'm going to say it, I was self-absorbed and just so involved with the department and what I did was like I'm going to do all these over times not just one to make the money, because it's good, but that need to be there and feel wanted. And so, going back to the God thing, if I can just real quick do a shout out, yeah, one one. First and foremost, it's a part of my story, and I even speak of it when I group facilitate, because it is my story that I'm telling. And so in that God, my Lord, my savior, I'm not religious, it's spiritual. There's a relationship there let's go baby that I need to consistently have contact with. Just as we're talking, I talk to him, I do formal prayers, I just do communication prayers, I just do.
Speaker 3:You know what today? It's just worship, it's just being in that gratitude state and while it's, while I do, it's a form of my meditation, and so trying to keep realigning with that throughout the day is something that man, I'm just so blessed for. And in that shout out, I have to give it to my wife, my wife Claudia. I love you, claudia. And she stuck it out with me and she and her foundational piece was God, and so individually having that, and then in our marriage having it, really tells the resiliency. It is because of him, and so she's a major reason why I'm here today, like physically here with my last attempt.
Speaker 3:Got you and not to trigger anybody out there, but reach out various hotlines if you're feeling alone in a certain way. And also, too, I have my peer support. Now, you know, I have, amazingly, like I had said, dr Maribel Contreras. There's Cassandra Enoch. She's our clinical manager. We have a new clinical director, who Mary Lawrence, who I go to and I'm mindful of who's in my godly council and I've been able to express freely if I'm in an area of discomfort and get vulnerable, and thankfully, over time and practice, I've been able to get to those places and not necessarily say I don't care, but I'm in good hands to be able to do it and not fill this huge weight that we've possibly have felt in the department.
Speaker 3:And I'm not trying to bash on the department, but it's like you had mentioned earlier the bravado of it that if something of any sort is wrong, I mean red flags are going up with your station, with the battalion, with your chief, and it's just a real no-no. So, just trying to, I just want to make sure I can get those props out. And Maria Rendon is also a special woman at work and this is at work. So if I can get vulnerable at work and in a safe space and have a godly council at work. I love the fact that we're promoting our veterans first responders to get in those places and that we're actually doing it Right To actually have done it with me. So I just wanted to give that quick shout out.
Speaker 2:So those people that you just talked about, did I meet them, some of them at the event.
Speaker 3:Yes, okay, so you did, and I had a hope. It was just an amazing thing. I just want to give you a shout out for that. Oh man, it's all good. Like you know, it really sets a special place when you can start to bring boldly that belief in God and have no reluctance, you know, just going abandoned, self-abandoned of who you are, and putting forth the belief so others could. Oh, I'm getting chills, and so having our team there in support of that, and then just a story of it behind you know, the night of hope was just, it's just heart melting. I don't know if you want to. Oh, my man, yeah, share on that?
Speaker 3:No, I mean actually I was in her husband, yeah.
Speaker 2:He was unfortunately taken from this earth and he was an engineer working for Cal Fire and he was unfortunately killed on a fire and what she had gone through, and then just my own personal life and walking from my faith and being a prodigal son.
Speaker 3:So my man over here just follows. God hears him and puts this huge night up. For now it's I F no, what's that?
Speaker 2:Which one? So her foundation oh.
Speaker 3:Iverson Foundation. Yeah, okay, so hears God, follows the direction, puts up this major service benefit for the foundation. And so what he's talking about is our company came out and we had a booth to set for mental wellness and to be there and have a presence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was cool man. It was a lot of work putting that together and then also getting up there and speaking. That was the first time I've ever. I guess you can call it a sermon. I don't know, to my, I've never written a sermon. I was just like whatever, I feel like I'm supposed to talk, so I'm just going to do this.
Speaker 3:You know, just to tell it how it is. You know, here's a cool thing with that service. It was yeah, was that in every scripture that you had given you put your experience in it. It made it so relatable. Now, like so, I mean, for me, I was just, I almost had to sit down when people were respectfully standing up. I was like man, I got to sit down. This is a cool wave of anointing.
Speaker 2:Wow, I appreciate that it's good to hear, because I don't know.
Speaker 1:You don't know, no one tell you you don't know. No one tell you you just do the event and do the stuff, and everyone leaves you're like.
Speaker 2:I hope it went great.
Speaker 3:Yeah, how was it? I mean, as far as I'm concerned, I'm going to rate it. I mean, I don't know what to rate it, right? Yeah, going to have humility here, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think it was interesting in it. I was pretty nervous to get up there and speak, although I typically do well public speaking, I'm okay, just from teaching out of college and doing fire academies and all this stuff. You're always up in front of people and I think even our job right we're in front of people who don't even know. But it was amazing when it was like, all right, here we go and I got up there and spoke. It's just this piece that came over me and how I'd worked on that for gosh about a week over and over and taking things out, putting things in. What scripture am I going to use? What demonstrations, what are my life and this and that, and being so nervous to do it and then just having this peace and comfort of it. Just tell them what I've done for you. Tell them like I'm not looking for perfection, looking at the heart, what the person, what a relationship. Like you said, I want religion. I'm out of religion, dude, that's not me. I've been a part of that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that legalism, yeah, it's empty.
Speaker 2:There's nothing there, you know. So to put this night on and kind of feel called to do that was a lot. I was scared, I was nervous. Well, what do we got to lose? Let's just go for it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's those models, dude, you know, I mean we can go in so many different directions and very easy to talk with. I think that what I wanted to say was that when you were talking about like you know what direction can I go and how does this feel, I think you know your first. You know instinct was correct, right, you just followed God and then into the service doing that, and I was given some advice too and I try to continue to follow it. So it was a 12-step meeting. It was a speaker meeting, which the speaker goes 45 minutes, and then you have a short speaker who's 15 minutes.
Speaker 3:And so, as I was kind of writing some of my experience out to give the experience a strength and hope, this lady tapped me on the shoulder and she's like it's not about you. I was like, well, okay, I mean that's kind of rude, but all right, she's like it's not about you. She's like pull you out of it, put God in it, let's go, and I go. You know what you know, Father, god like less ego and pride, more humility, you know, and Holy Spirit bring those words and how that goes Well. One, it takes a lot of pressure off and two, I believe it's got that more blessed in anointing than you can that I could possibly ever imagine. You know, and I think that you for me.
Speaker 3:I just looked around you and I saw people raising their hands. I saw people, just, you know, in the moment being present, that's a new high for me to be able to remain here, yeah, Every moment of the way, and that meditation with God is again a huge component in my daily life. On my drive up here, it was nothing but me and him. I didn't play music and I'm a big music fan and I just started to think about him and, you know, seeing me, just come to him and relax and go. You know he's got this. I've come this far that he hasn't taken me this far to only bring me this far, and so I get to let go. And it's kind of a paradox, but the more I surrender and let go, the more I win.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I feel you on that one man. And that's kind of how it came to like. When, the days leading up to that event last week, I was stressed, bro, I was like what am I doing? Like I don't talk in front of people. This is crazy. And it was for me the first time coming at least coming back to my faith where it's like I'm really stepping out in faith in this. I have no idea how this is going to work. I hope this goes well. Like even musicians were professional musicians. They did great. We never rehearsed. Like that was the first time we all played together dog, no, yeah, dude, wow. And I was like we got there, ran through each song one time. It's like, well, cool, I think hopefully we do OK, you know, and it went amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they did great, wow they were great Because, like I said, I'm a music fan and I key in on people. I'm like I'm going to watch the drums for a minute yeah, that's nice, dude, way to go and I was keying in on people and I was like sitting here and I'm like hit it, hit the note, but you guys yeah, you guys did well.
Speaker 2:It was great, dude, I was just getting up there and even what I was talking about. I just wanted people to know the hope that I have found, that security, that presence and having a future and inheritance. And it's like my goodness, like people need to know this. People need to understand like this is so much deeper than they think, what it's going to do for your life, the direction it's going to bring and the peace. You know you can't put a prize tag on peace. I say that all the time. To have that peace is just amazing. You know it's gosh. I wish everyone would believe it's. It's.
Speaker 2:Sometimes I look at people. Honestly I'm kind of like so, because even now I'll put stuff up, like I put up video of me speaking, but it was just my. You know the word, captions and stuff. And there were a few people I think it was like TikTok people like, oh nice to believe in a fairy tale home. I'm just like, oh man, come on bro.
Speaker 2:But trust me, the more I've talked about my faith, the more messages I get that aren't the nicest. But I don't care, I'm not doing it for any of them, but like, sometimes I want to say like so why not believe in something that actually gives you peace? Why not believe in something that will give you hope, direction, comfort, redemption, forgiveness? Cause I've been in a place where I didn't have any of that and it was terrible, it was hopeless. So why not believe in it? Why not err on the side of caution, maybe, and think, if this is actually true and happening, I'm not going to experience this. I'm going to give this a shot instead of oh nice, fairy tale. You know what I'm like, what? What, dude? It's a free gift. You know, I sometimes want to say that to me, you guys, it's free, like he loves you.
Speaker 3:I want to tell you this you have made it possible for me to be bold. You've made it possible by you speaking freely, because, as I was thinking about what I'm going to say on the show, what I'm going to talk about what topics and which direction we're going to go, and then I was praying and like pulling myself out and putting more of God in, like I was thinking about how far you put yourself out there and just cut loose, I mean, from what I saw. And so I just want to thank you for doing that, because even in the show, like sitting here right now, I'm like you know what dude? That's it. God show, here we go. Hashtag God strong.
Speaker 2:I appreciate that, yeah, yeah. No, it's nerve wracking, but I mean, when you to me, finding this true faith is in Jesus, it does give you a boldness, because it's true and I know it's true because he's changed me. I've seen the change where I've lived a different lifestyle, I've messed up huge, and to feel that forgiveness, to feel that redemption and then to feel that hope, knowing I have a future and that, no matter what he's going to guide me, his life's still going to be harder times, absolutely. He promises us that, john 1633, baby, you will face trials and tribulations, like it's coming all day long, but I got you, I overcame the world. So it's kind of like whatever happens is going to be cool, like it may hurt, maybe difficult, but he's got me and there's nothing in this world that offers that. There's nothing. There's no drug, there's no relationship Correct, there's no job.
Speaker 2:There's nothing that offers you that. There's nothing. And I've tried it. Trust me when I say I've tried everything, I've tried it all. Yeah, and there ain't nothing that gives you that.
Speaker 3:Unfortunately.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So when you actually truly find that and you man, it's such a it just hits you so deep in your soul that it's something that touches it Nothing else can touch. It's indescribable. How do you get that to people? How do you even tell people like you guys, come on, like this is free, it's, it's and it comes down to love. So I got a tough question for you.
Speaker 3:Sure, how do you well, okay, well, it's a trick question, but how do you give someone or tell someone hope when they're not feeling it, when it's the darkest? It's really for me to put into words, because I battled major depression and this is kind of where I'm going with. This is is people, you know, we use depression I for me a little loosely nowadays like, oh man, I'm so depressed. Like well, wait a minute. You know I got a little chip on my shoulder about it. Like, wait a minute, are you depressed or you sad?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because for me there's a difference. It gets dark, the apathy is so overwhelming that it puts you in that scary state. Yeah, that now how? How? Because I wasn't receiving it. Yeah. You know, growing up in the church and mom had us in downtown Compton and in LA going to like eight hour power hours of church. Let's go.
Speaker 2:Bro, Backflip.
Speaker 3:I'm on the pew. Yeah, everybody's sweating and fanning and having that faith or growing up in it like lost it.
Speaker 2:Same yeah, you know. So how would you how? Would you do that?
Speaker 2:I would say a lot of times for others, cause I have dealt with this in the past year with a few people who've been in some pretty bad situations, and it wasn't anything that I said, it was just being present and showing up, and there's a lot of times I will, I will always kind of tell them there's nothing I'm going to say that's going to help you right now, but the best thing I can do is just pray for you and there's it's almost like my for me, my story when I was finally in my bed to curl up in a ball crying like I just please help me. That's all I could say. Yeah, fetal.
Speaker 2:Fetal yeah, if you like you can't get anything out. And there comes a point I would almost say, when people are so broken and so depressed and so lost and so hopeless there's nothing anyone's going to tell them it straight has to come from the Lord. You got to cry out to him Beyond us. Oh yeah, you have to. But we can still be that conduit, we can still be present and be with somebody and then be an intercessor, if that makes sense, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so many people, even if they don't believe it, will accept prayer.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, but you nailed it oh yeah, you nailed it with the with just being present, right? Because if he's living within us, I call him my love light, and so that love light is going to shine through and just by being there. So there, yeah, there was. You know, no right or wrong answer in that. I was just tricky, because there's so many alleyways and avenues that you can go about it 100%. I was just thinking like, yeah, man, how would we do that?
Speaker 2:You know, yeah, there's a lot of times I've, just Because here comes Jesus, freaks, yeah. Well, yeah, and I think some people talk too much, like they know it all, and I've experienced that, going through hard times. I want to say, hey, why don't you shut your mouth for a second? Let me just talk. Okay, you know what I'm saying. You don't have all the answers. I need to vent right now.
Speaker 3:So I want to say this Okay With agreeing with that is yes, we need to know the word, but it's not how many scriptures you know, how many are you living? Oh, it's gone too, so just by being in that action, yeah Right. Sometimes I don't need to say you know what? I'm a Christian, I'm a believer. Maybe I just need to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would say, dude, honestly, for me too, most of the time I don't really tell people I'm a believer, I just kind of I befriend people and just treat them right, and then it's kind of that's how I want to show. I don't want to show it through words, but more or less my actions. Yes, Am I a perfect person? No, I still have to show those people. But Come on, I'm still going no, but I can.
Speaker 2:I have noticed a difference just by being there for people and listening to them. It's made such a world of a difference. Where it doesn't, I don't need to sit here and drop scripture on them and or tell them oh, you've done the wrong thing. Look, we're human, we know when we do wrong, we ain't dumb. You have trust me, we all know Right. Some sort of conviction, some sort of, but it's just showing up and I've noticed that for my friends and even my family is, as long as they just come and they're here, they don't need to say a word, that's enough.
Speaker 3:So I did some training and they called that just sit in the pit. If you don't know what to say, don't say it, just sit with them Right, and there's that presence.
Speaker 2:I've noticed that that has worked. I want to say, probably like 95% of the time, just come and hang out, like when I show up it's like, hey, we don't need to talk about anything, that's tough, let's go do something, let's go get some lunch, let's go watch a movie, let's go down to the beach. I love going to the beach, that's my thing. I surf all the time. So it's like, hey, let's go surf. Do you know where I live, or whatever? You know where I live? Oh yeah, come on man.
Speaker 3:You're in the capital, baby, so that's a serenity for me, a serenity place.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, you get so grounded there. So for me it's not like approaching people telling them they're bad or whatever. It's like, hey, you're in a bad spot, let's do something, let's figure this out. Let's get you out of the house. Let's figure it out, let's go for a drive, let's put some sunlight on your face. Let's get those positive endorphins going and realize that movement is therapy.
Speaker 2:And we're going to go from there and I let them bring it up. I don't bring it, I just let them finally talk. And it usually happens, yeah, just organically. Yeah, it just happens Because they realize I'm not there to condemn them. I'm there to love them. I'm there to help them through their difficult time and I'm not going to force anything Besides just showing you I'm here and I love you. That's it.
Speaker 3:You know I dig that I am talking about the action portion and not having to state what I am. And just by being it I like to say I'm a human becoming, not a human being. So I'm evolving consistently, thankfully now, and so it's real easy. I don't have to understand it, I don't have to agree with it, all I have to do is pour love on it. And what's love? It's the scripture that all say at weddings 1 Corinthians, 13, 1 through 8. And at the very bottom right, love never fails. So, whatever your sexuality, whatever your belief system, whatever your ethnic, whatever it might be, all I have to do is pour love on you, and hopefully that anointing in itself is enough and bring again that love light for me. Oh, I love it, dude. Yeah, so I'm stoked that you've created a platform to be able to discuss freely, like whatever it might be, and say let's go, yeah.
Speaker 3:It's an incredible thing to continually pave the way to do that for whomever comes on.
Speaker 2:So I mean I. It's to give people voice. To me. Everybody has a story. Everyone is battling something. It doesn't matter whether you are the richest person out there or you're the most destitute living on the street like everyone is dealing with something.
Speaker 3:OK, no lie, no lie. So the department I worked for, we did 72 direct and four off unless we got stuck Terrible. So when I came home, dude, I lived in a million dollar home. I had a G500 Benzo, I had a 996 Porsche Carrera rally car, dang it. I had some trucks. I was on a half acre. You were living a life, son. Ok, so talking about not taking it home, and this is where I was. I can save others, but I couldn't save myself, oh man.
Speaker 2:I've said that on here so many times. Yeah, I've dealt with that.
Speaker 3:So I'd get home. I wouldn't even change out of uniform, I would just dump my gear, throw it in the locker and I'm off and screaming home to go drink. So I would be sure that the house was stocked when I left and when I came home, stop at the liquor store, just in case. In all of what I had. I would come home through the entry gate, if you will, and park. I would walk fully dressed in my class bees and I'd go to the furthest bush of our very front courtyard, sit down and hide and crack open a tallboy and drink it. That is horrible.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 3:A state of affairs to have what we can't take and where I should have been the happiest Right.
Speaker 2:Dude preach, I feel you man.
Speaker 3:And so that started to just become well, it started long ago, but it was definitely the solution.
Speaker 2:unfortunately, isn't it amazing how we can sit in all this success and yet it means nothing. Everyone told us this is the top, this is the crème de la crème, right? This is where you need to be and you're going to be happy and you get there and it's like the most miserable I've ever been in my entire life.
Speaker 3:It's just like, and I'm telling you who said that, and you know what? I know it was multiple. So everybody step forward, Everyone step forward.
Speaker 2:God, it's like this, is it? This is what it's like you guys. You know you're going to work this. You're firefighters. Kids love you, women want to be with you, men want to be just like you. And this, and now you can work overtime and we can own this house here. Do that, yeah, the house, the car, the boat, trophy, white, yeah, and you're just like so. This is it. Not to be ungrateful, but it's a huge for me. Was this letdown that happened? I'm like whoa, wait a minute, I'm not happy. I still have problems, I still have issues and yours is drinking bro. I could smoke anyone under the table when it came to weed bro.
Speaker 3:Get competitive.
Speaker 2:Huh, oh dude, competitive, ok, no I put dude, I was putting weed down and I was just living in a fog all the time. Just to get by Just living in a fog, yeah that's I did.
Speaker 3:I'd hallucinate off weed that was. That was potent. Some people were like my friends that smoked, were like man. I wish I was you. I don't think that's kind of what we're trying to do here. No, no, but yeah that was. But drinking was.
Speaker 2:There's an, and it did at least a very long time. But what for you? What do you think it started with? Your career choice of being in the fire service. That leading up to you know how you felt mentally and suicide and all that stuff.
Speaker 3:So no, ok, and yes, it's really difficult. Well, here it is. It's what came first, the chicken or the egg, but I'm going to say that it it was a part of my life as a kid. It when I looked at my so since had some healing. I've looked at my childhood. We're going to guess we're going to go back to childhood and so is, I believe, why I became a first responder, why I chose that career.
Speaker 3:So as a kid, all I got to see on mom and dad's side was alcohol and nobody talked about anything and all they did was drink and it was in excess. You know on both sides, and we can go into multiple stories of uncles and of their drunken behaviors and I'm not alone, I was a part of that too. But that's that's all I knew of how you dealt with problems. You know if there's finances, you're drinking. If there's relational issues, you're drinking. If there, you know if you're going on a trip, there's drinking. So it wasn't. It was always a part of the solution and never without. So when you know, high school came around, it was fun, and then in the early 20s, when I started to hit the first responder career, it just was real easy to go to. That's all I ever learned.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because isn't it amazing not like as adults now and all like going through therapy and all these realizations that we've had in our faith and things we've learned just through life lessons the impact parents have on their children and how important it is To raise your children right and to realize, like your kids see more than you think. Yeah, they're watching you, they watch what you say, husbands, they watch how you treat the wife, wife, they see how you treat the husband. Like they're watching everything. Yeah, and that's their first like that's their first demonstration of how to handle things. And when I started using counseling team, international and therapy, that's the first thing it did. All right, what we're gonna do, we're gonna go back to your childhood and I was like there, how's your childhood? Oh, it's good. Yeah, no, let's talk about childhood. I'm like all right, and we start talking. They're like, yeah, that's messed up. Mike, what? Yeah, that's abnormal. Yeah, I'm like, oh, it is wait.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I'm like oh, okay, and then you start talking more. I well, yeah, and then this happened. This is what my you know parents sit here, and this is not to say that my parents are terrible, it's, they try their best, you know. What they had?
Speaker 2:yeah, they have their own childhood trauma and things like. My mom was an African-American woman born in 1951. She had a way in the south so she dealt with racism and a lot of yeah right, that's heavy Right. And my dad was born in 1941 and they came out from Missouri and they were very poor, living here in Long Beach. That was already you know. So they were just everything's different. Now you bring those two together. Right now they're trying to raise their own kids with their own issues. So that's why I say like I I still have empathy with that, but there's still things that I have to work through that they did that weren't correct well, and it brings it to the to the point too, with me that so I'm the youngest of four, and we all went through it differently.
Speaker 3:Yeah it impacted my oldest brother differently. He had different assignments and chores, and then I did as a, as a, you know, as the baby of the family. You know so and you know what's an incredible thing Is that I've, like you said, with our parents, I did the best with what they had and At that point in time, could so just want to say I love you, dad, and I'm so blessed at the relationship that we have today and I honor every moment that we have. When I retired, I gave him my my soul, I your badge, my my fire helmet, so I bought it. Give my cap the badge.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So I mean, but you know, my siblings, they all had a, I mean everybody. For me it took a team to get into the department and stuff like that but and all of them were there by my children, brothers and my sister. So you know, my, my dad, him and I had an estranged relationship and he just, you know, didn't agree with the way I lived and drank. You know, and I can understand it. So you know, giving everybody that, that their own time and their own Way of going about trying to handle life, you know, and so you got to give them that love and patience of whatever their perspective is and what they went through. Because who might have say, as you were talking about, to how your parents grew up in two different areas In a time and then coming together?
Speaker 3:And so I believe, generationally, if you don't deal with the pain and the trauma, the emotions and feelings want out one way or another, and if your parents don't deal with it, it's going to drop into us and it's going to continue that Generational, as they would say in our belief system, generational curses or just the generational behaviors. So if dad doesn't deal, if mom doesn't get that healing and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them in the way they live. They did the best they could with what they had, yeah, but it does pass down, yeah. So the drinking, yeah, passed down, you know. But in any case, I'm so blessed to to have that relationship with him today.
Speaker 3:You know, mom passed and here's another nugget that she gave me when I said I was lost, I mean, dude it it was, it was, it was so bad and I had my, my face in my hands and I was just kind of rocking and crying and I'm so lost. I'm just so lost. And by that time she had moved in to my little apartment with me. She was older and she just sat down with me and she's like son, just because your path looks different doesn't mean you're lost.
Speaker 3:And I was just like so I know right and you know so many people, like you know, understandably wrote me off, yeah, and I just was like, okay, I'm going to understand that they have a right to do that. We all have a right Of how we're doing this thing, life, and give them that page patience and peace and love of how they saw me in that just yeah mess, yeah, you know, and I was like starting to get angry.
Speaker 3:And now that I've gone through healing, what's the anger? For? You know, others are seeing me just burned down. Yeah, what am I asking them to stick around. Yeah what I, I don't know. Yeah, and those are dead, my kudos. Love you, hoff.
Speaker 2:Well, I would say that it's your true friends, yeah the true people that love you, because even when I was going through the toughest point in my life, there was people who called themselves quote-unquote Christians. That the good time Christians do I call them right. They're around for the happy times yeah, even the ones that weren't believers. But then when you go through the tough times, work they're not answering the phone. Where are they? They're gone.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah. So I said this to my dad. I said so if you can't handle me at my worst, what makes you think you should? Should receive me at my best.
Speaker 3:Yeah but he was like, well, what did you expect me to do? Because, by Having you around me, my belief was that I was approving of what you were doing. And I was like, damn, okay, I'm, as a valid point by dad, right. So you know how do you figure that out? But, definitely, like, put a hand out. You know, like man, I'm seeing my little bro, I'm seeing my friend, I'm seeing my cousin, brother, sister. I'm not saying, you know, poor me, pity me, a lot of it, my decision To not get help and continue the burning. So, but just, you know what do you need something?
Speaker 2:yeah, it bothers me here's the thing for me, anthony, is it bothers me when people are only around for a good time, because I'm not that way. I'm not gonna expect everyone to be like me and love like I do, but I've had friends going through some wild things that will never air out. That you know, mike. Okay, let's figure it out. I'm not going anywhere. What do you need? But there's so many people I call my boomerang friends. I talked about this and you did, you know they're only there, familiar.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like, they're only around for the good times, are gone, and then, as soon as things get better, they're back and they say what's up? Yeah, you know, mike, they're not my good friends. If you're not with me during the tough or during my mistakes, I don't want you around when I'm doing great. I just don't. That's not me, man.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna get vulnerable for a second, do you say. In that, I Wonder, I wonder, now that my went, meant my mental wellness that's, that's out there and continually putting it out there to get vulnerable, to go save that one, help, assist. I can't save anybody, I'm sorry misspoke. To go help or assist. I wonder if my friends Look at me like when that guy's like that crazy and we have to tip you toe around him because I feel bad, because you know, growing up with them, we've, we've been through the thick and thin and they're still here. Yeah, you know, but I don't want them, I don't want anybody around me to feel Fill in a in a way. Yeah, I'm just thinking out loud.
Speaker 2:No, no, I feel you on that one. But I mean, the reality is, people are judging us anyways, so do your thing, that's true, I mean that's one way that I think of it sometimes. But hey, do they feel that way? Maybe, maybe some of them do sometimes, but there's still around. Says enough, that's. You know, I mean it's. Yeah, they may feel that way. There's some people I'm friends, yeah, I'm like you're pretty crazy about you, man, like I'm gonna be here. Yeah, you know, if they feel that way, I mean does it?
Speaker 3:matter though. Yeah, you know it's allotted me for more Patience. It's like I've seen how much my wife has had. Yeah and I'm gonna say it's. I'm not. She's a Kindergarten, she's a kindergarten teacher, which is probably why she's married to me, because she has the patience to deal with them. She can definitely handle me. God bless her Right. That's, yeah, I mean, but she's got a love for it. So I mean there's a dude.
Speaker 2:You want to talk about patience. Can I tell you about what happened to me at the airport yesterday? Okay, we're supposed to talk about yeah that's right, I'm got.
Speaker 2:So I'm supposed to fly out to Texas to go help out a family member. Okay, so I get to LAX and I I had relief at work come in early, so you're physically there. Yeah, so, like I worked all this stuff out to have this guy come in early, get home. My sister picks me up, takes me to the airport. I Get there this is on Delta and a flight of Austin. Okay, my flight is supposed to leave at 11 or two.
Speaker 2:On the way to the airport at about 8 30 in the morning, I get a text hey, your flights delayed to 1230, mike. Oh, so my sister's like you want to go home? Like, no, it's cool. Like I, you know, I got American Express. Like I can go sit in the lounge it's free food, coffee. Like I'm cool, I'm gonna chill, I'll read my book, do my thing, right. Then the next thing, you know, I'm sitting in the lounge, do my thing. It's 12 o'clock. I'm like, oh, cool, I'm gonna walk over to do my thing and check in. Your flight is now delayed to 150. Like, oh, okay, no, no big deal. So I stay in the lounge, do my thing.
Speaker 2:Well, then I go to my terminal, I Get over there and it's packed, or every Sunday, everyone's trying to go home and do their thing. I get it and they, they get us on the plane, they load us on and and they say everyone, we need you to the board to plane. We lost our. They literally said we lost our pilots in a flight attendant. There's no pilots. How does I?
Speaker 3:Don't even know. I don't even know where to go with that I'm kind of like I listen, bro. I'm telling you right now I have like emergency standby crews.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure, don't know, but it's in the pages lost everyone. Yeah, so then we do board a plane. People are Upset, they are mad. I'm talking f-bombs lost the crew I. Mean dude, we lost our pilots in a plane and I'm looking I was like are they serious? And they're like we need everyone to stand up, get your things and leave. Okay, so get off the plane. Everyone's mad like f-bombs being dropped. Yeah, people are, you know cussing.
Speaker 2:They're at the counter hands are being way like very emotional, right, and I'm sitting there. I'm just like dude. I've been at this airport since nine in the morning. This is crazy. This is, this is madness, right, then they go over the intercom. We don't know when we, when we're gonna have pilots, so we have no idea when your plane is gonna take off. Okay, so I was just like. I called my family, I said, hey, I'm gonna take this as a sign. I'm not supposed to come, so I'm gonna cancel my flights and I'm gonna go home. So it's now 210. I remember it was 210 cancel flight. Been there since about 845, 9 o'clock at the airport, right, so now I'm ahead.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking I just came to the airport to sit in the lounge, eat a free breakfast, have coffee and read a book For about eight hours. You know, whatever, it is six hours. Yeah, I get out. I go to To, like at LX. You have to walk to where you like, this certain part where the Uber is. I can't remember what it's called, but they can't drive in the normal terminal. They got to go to this separate parking lot, right? So there's a shuttle that takes you, but there's so much traffic, the shuttle like it should take five minutes. Just quick go around 50 minutes, 50 minutes of terminal three, oh, dude. No, it's not your pain, dude.
Speaker 3:I mean, I am, you know.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I'm laughing at his pain, you're fine, yeah. So I was like forget it, I'm just gonna walk. So then I walk the mile and a half for two mile, whatever it is, all the way to this parking lot. That's just outside, like early X, right, and I get there. I call for an Uber. It's an hour and a half wait and it was a hundred and thirty dollars that's a go from LAX. So long, dude, just just the injury, the mental stress, and just the anguish. Do the anguish, the patience, the anger, and I was just like, just just be cool you know what dude you.
Speaker 3:You basically said challenge accepted.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, and my thought was like what's it gonna do if I get upset right now? I'm not gonna treat my Uber driver like crap. It's not his fault.
Speaker 3:Well, you're definitely not. Well, even in the midst of it, you're not gonna get a pilot Right. But you know what? Like they say, is there a doctor in the house? I probably would have screamed that Is there a pilot in the house? I couldn't believe it happened.
Speaker 2:I was at the airport all day. I didn't get home until 345 oh, no, was it 445?
Speaker 3:I can't remember it's like that's a good amount. Yeah, I was there for that movie with Tom Hanks. Yeah, you're like where's the bathroom? Like it's right over there and like or can we get something? Do you want a hamburger? You already know the place. I've been here for a while.
Speaker 2:Dude, I literally I got home, I threw all my stuff down, put my board shorts t-shirt on a jacket, through my flip-flops on a drill, straight to the beach just to Get my. I was like I'm in a weird headspace right now. Yeah, and you just go hang out at the beach. So I'm gonna have the beach for the evening.
Speaker 3:Oh man, I mean wild, that'll take that. Well, that'll, that's um, that's a record. You're trying to break records. Yeah, that was an interesting experience, very interesting experience, that's.
Speaker 2:That's. All I could say is like. That's the first time I heard we, we, we lost our pilots. We don't know what happened to him.
Speaker 3:That's just such a weird statement.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't. I don't get it, dog, I don't get it. Anyways, that's my story on patience.
Speaker 3:Well, you proved it, you proved it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was. It was, uh, I hate going to LAX. That's all I got to say. You know, I the airport's the airport.
Speaker 3:So I just I know what I'm getting myself into and I don't rattle it. I've actually met it's a little interesting side clip Hillary Swank. I Meet some celebrities, not in Hollywood except for this. Actually hold that, yeah go ahead.
Speaker 2:When I was leaving, I'm gonna go ahead, it's your, yeah, no, I was leaving my terminal To go to the Uber or whatever. I Pass Caitlyn Jenner, I said, hey, caitlyn, hmm, hi, okay, we're dead each other. Oh, oh yeah, friggin hug. Nice, nice person, tall person, yeah, she also has big shoulders.
Speaker 3:Oh well, I mean swimmer right, diver swimmer, Whatever. Yeah oh, I mean overachiever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a big woman.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, but yeah that's yeah, and you're a tall guy, so for you to say that it's something, she was tall, okay, yeah, well, interest, so I mean that you know, was that that night, same night, or just a day?
Speaker 2:Wow, same day. So that was yeah let's say, going along the lines of what? Yeah like meeting people out there. Yeah, famous people.
Speaker 3:Yeah, well, I've met to. I, it was Hillary Swank. She was standing in the norm, norm, normal line and a bunch of people came out and rushed her out of that. But I talked to her, doing the whole like I know you from somewhere.
Speaker 3:Yeah you know, like I grew up in San Clemente, Are you from around here? She looked at me, laughed and then she got, you know, whisked away. And then Tom Petty you saw Tom Petty at John Wayne. Oh nice, I know we're going off topic here, but yeah, I love it. I've seen punch up in the Monterey Bay area, eric Estrada dude. Yeah, john Cena, when he was Engaged to the other wrestlers, the, the twins, the Bella twins. Yeah, they were in La Jolla, just random super random anyway.
Speaker 3:We just went from wellness To love. No, we go back to wellness.
Speaker 2:So if anybody wants to get in contact with your organization, can you say the name and how they can do that, and if you have an Instagram handle?
Speaker 3:Yes, so we have a number that is direct and specific. So can I grab I? Yeah, go for it. All right, so Our number for frontline behavioral wellness is Going to be and, by the way, I'm giving another shout out. So I went to a first responder treatment center I'm going to play naive that everyone's in it for the game to help, because For me to Accidentally find that there was something like that for us, mm-hmm I, it shattered my world to think that we had a place to go Because, like I said, I was years out and Didn't have any Any idea of what help look like and I didn't know that there was a label to it. I didn't know that there was such things as hyper vigilance and insomnia and the alcoholism. You know, additionally added, as you had said before, what came first and you know the department or EMS just put Probably the icing on the cake for me from the childhood to oh, everything was a fire service.
Speaker 2:It's wild.
Speaker 3:So I just want to say thank you also to caravan. She's the one who had the first responder treatment center, and the three other first responders I was there with are my friends to this day. A few of them came to my wedding. We all still talk group text and so, because of her holding it, I was there to go get sober. I was there to realize that there was help. So You're going to contact caravan and her phone number. So she is available. This woman's Dedicated and it is available, so her phone number should have it on speed no Is bear with me 661-877-7241. Okay, so I appreciate you allowing a lot of the time for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I'm a huge supporter of you know, first responder mental health even our veterans, just because I come from a military home. But, more importantly, are firefighters Just because I am one. I have many friends that are firefighters and many that have gone through some very difficult times because of the mental health struggle, the decisions that they've made, because of their struggles that led down to darker paths, and I just know there's such a huge need there and I want our fellow firefighters to know it's okay to say you need help. There's no shame in that, there's nothing wrong with it. I've raised my hand and said I needed help and I've used counseling team international that my department gives for us. So it's important. Just like your physical health, your spiritual health is important, your mental health is also important.
Speaker 2:There's no mild bravado behind this. There's no ego. All that needs to go out the window, because you do matter. Your life is very important and what we do on a day-to-day basis is very difficult and I don't think people understand that. I don't think even firefighters understand that that's a difficult thing.
Speaker 2:It's not normal to see people die every time you go to work. It's not normal to be doing CPR and then delivering a baby, and then you're fighting a fire, you're pulling a burn victim out there's a lot there and then you just keep pushing that down and then you're expected to go home and be a father, a husband, a brother, uncle, cousin, normal life and something's gonna give. There will be something that that will give one day, whether it's a call or something happens at home in your marriage, and we don't wanna see any of that happen, I don't. I rather us be proactive and understand that if we can do it myself and Anthony and others that have reached out for help you can, and it's totally okay. There's no shame in that. There's no names that have to be involved Just give that number a call or call somebody else for help and seek it.
Speaker 3:It's totally okay, and too with you. Confidentiality is huge, like as peer support if we don't have that or a team or a treatment center we have, and make sure that that confidentiality and privacy is in check. Because of everything you explained, we're not used to this.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, it's not open in the fire service to do this, but I'm hoping that these, as time goes on, we have more of these conversations, more of the night for that event and people realize we're all going through something, we all struggle and what we do and what we see on this job is not normal. It's not what people think or understand. It's not what they advertise for this job either. Raise your hand, it's cool. Talk to somebody. It's okay. To not be okay is what I wanna say pretty much. We're human beings. We're gonna take so much.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and with all the shout outs that I've done through your podcast, another one who says exactly that is she doesn't like to be called doctor, she has. So, Heather Williams, Okay.
Speaker 1:I think I better read her, did you ever shut the event?
Speaker 3:She wasn't. But no, I met two other female I can't remember where they were and she's given me some space to come out and tell some of my story and she's been an amazing forefront as a therapist to continually help the first responder community. Yeah, so, Heather Williams, thank you for giving space for that.
Speaker 2:Dude, it's awesome. And before we go, you've also been on another podcast Grab Lives with John right. Yeah, john Vargas.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so, yeah. So Grab Lives was on that a couple months ago and we talked mostly about mental wellness and some of my story and connecting it from it's. The title of that episode was Domino Effect and it was just talking about and connecting and linking my childhood to the way I played sports, to how it all fell through, from my upbringing into the department and how everything kind of I fell apart and resurfaced.
Speaker 2:Well, dude, I can tell you this Anthony, I'm proud of you, man. Dude, that means a lot To know where you've been and how far you've come, as a testament to your grit, to your character, to your faith, and I think it's only going to continue to grow and you're gonna continue to help people. So just keep going, man. I know there's days where we're pumped and we're psyched, and there's other days where you're just like what am I doing Like?
Speaker 2:I'm discouraged. I had part of that happy today. I was like, man, I'm so discouraged today, like this isn't working. Where is this going? Why am I putting time here? And then I come and we talk, and you're talking about the event and what I said and how it spoke to you. I was like, oh shoot, that was cool. I got to appreciate that. So thank you for coming to that. Honestly, that was our first one, our first annual one, dude, and we're hoping that it turns into something annually. It just continues to grow. That's the whole goal, agree.
Speaker 3:In prayer, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's been a wild ride. But again, thank you so much and there's a challenge coin for you there on the table under your phone. That's our challenge coin. We're getting new ones coming back in. The quote on the back is Mark Twain two most important days of your life when you're born, when you find out why. That's my favorite quote.
Speaker 3:Right purpose yeah it's purpose.
Speaker 2:I love it, man, but before we go, if you don't mind, dude, I've never done this before. Okay, I'm just saying, all right now, I want to pray for you, dude. Oh, wow, let's do it. Heavenly Father, thank you for my friend Anthony that we can do this podcast, to be on here and he has the courage to talk about where he's been, what he's done and what he's been through and how he's trusted you and what he's done to get himself better.
Speaker 2:Lord, continue to bless his life, continue to bless what he's doing, the organization he's in. Lord, please guide both of us to continue and help our fellow first responders and let them see that there's hope and that there's light in you and that they can reach out. And it's okay to not be okay. And I just pray, lord, you protect our first responders. There's some I don't like, and that's okay, but there's still people that I serve with and I still love them. Please protect them. Please be with them, lord, and let them see who you are and that it's okay that they can reach out. Yes, father, amen. Amen.
Speaker 3:Dude, thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 2:I've never done that. That was interesting. Bless, it's all good, but we used to do a. Let's Go on three. You ready? Okay, let's do it All right. Two, three, let's go. Bye everybody. Thank you so much for listening in. If you liked what you just listened to, please leave us a five star review on Apple Podcast and on Spotify. Please follow us on YouTube, on Instagram and on Facebook, and a big shout out to Stephen Clark, our sound editor. He's a huge part of this team that is unseen. It's 8ix9ineBarbers, our first sponsor. Look good, feel good, be great. It's two locations Orange, california and Long Beach, california. Book your appointment online 8ix9ineBarberscom. Bye everybody.
